Family Therapy-cognitive, Narrative and Psychoeducational interventions

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The Peterson family on May 5th 2007 took the initiative to gain therapeutic services for their troubled son David. Throughout the therapeutic process, all family members became actively involved. Three primary family therapeutic approaches for treatment were eventually chosen by the therapist with the application of three interventions within each approach. The approaches included; Cognitive Behavioral approach, Narrative Based Therapeutic approach, and a Psychoeducational Therapeutic approach. These purposely chosen constructs were applied to the Peterson family system and with their help the Peterson family was able to assist their son David with his behavior issues.

Agency Context

The current agency, in which the Peterson family sought assistance, was the Summit Agency. Summit is an inner city agency located within the college district of Philadelphia. It is a high end agency that specializes in helping families and individuals with problematic behaviors and circumstances. Much of the clientele within the Summit Agency could be considered mid to upper class. The agency is primarily funded by direct payment from clients who are seeking highly qualified PhD. and Masters level clinicians to assist with their family issues and by private donations given by local university professors and staff.

Presenting Problem

The presenting problem according to the Peterson family has been clarified by Mr. and Mrs. Peterson as the behavior of their 16 yr. old son David. For the last two months David has been acting out in school and been disrespectful at home. Rule breaking, disrespecting teachers, and detentions have remained consistent parts of David's behaviors. This type of behavior for the Peterson family is unacceptable and has resulted in the Peterson family seeking assistance for their son's behavior. Mr. Peterson worries that if David's behavior continues, many may think that David is a real trouble maker; thus effecting his academic life and possibilities of going to college in two years. Mrs. Peterson is concerned about her son and wants his negative behaviors to cease. She feels that when he acts out in school this causes tensions within the household; especially between herself and her husband. Both Mr. & Mrs. Peterson seem to agree that they argue more and have greater difficulties on the weeks and days in which David gets in the most trouble. In sessions, David makes statements like, "I don't care about school, because you guy's don't really care about me." David, in session seems angry. He seems to be very sensitive and seems to desire more attention and time with his parents. He states that he believes no one listens to him and that the only reason he is at the Summit Point agency is because his mom & dad just want to change him. Both, Mr. and Mrs. Peterson want David to just behave at school and at home in order for him to obtain a good education and be regarded as a good young man. David states that if his parents would not work so much, he may have some time with them, and not feel so lonely. David also states that when his parents are angry, they seem to take things out on him; thus making him more frustrated and angry.

Demographics

Mr. Peterson is a 50 year old white male. Mr. Peterson is an educated man with a PhD in literature from the University of North Carolina, for which he takes great pride. Mr. Peterson could be described as having an opinionated egocentric personality, quick witted, and some how seems to respond with some type of literary quote within every response to family and friends. Mr. Peterson does not emphasize a religious preference or identity and could be considered one who maintains an upper middle class life style. Although Mr. Peterson has published a few literary works, none have been significantly successful, and this seems to be a source of pain and loss of self esteem for Mr. Peterson.

Mrs. Peterson is a 46 year old white female. Mrs. Peterson also graduated from the University of North Carolina with a PhD in literature. Mrs. Peterson seems to be a smart, pleasant person that makes references to having hobbies; such as playing tennis, biking and shopping. Mrs. Peterson does not declare a religious preference, but does say she believes in God. Mrs. Peterson has published two novels and takes great pride in their success.

David is a sixteen year old white male. He has no history of mental illness or notable behavior problems. David attends high school within the tenth grade at Highland High School. David does not consider himself to be a religious person, but does love the latest Eminem Rap CD, loves to skate board, draw, and enjoys watching horror movies. David does seem to be a sensitive young man, and at times makes efforts to express his feelings and clearly express any noticeable changes to pictures and other items within my therapeutic office; thus indicating a heightened sense of observational ability.

Treatment Plan

The current treatment plan (see figure 1.1) consist of one primary goal and intermediary objectives through a Cognitive Approach to assist in modifying David's current behavior issues. Thus far, over the past month and a half I have met with the Peterson family every week and attempted to assist David and his family with these objectives and goal with no progress. I believe that with the current information I can develop suggestions, and inform my practice by linking new strategies and intervention objectives from family therapeutic approaches to assist in solving David's difficulties.

GOAL: To decrease David's problematic behaviors

- Send home weekly progress report

- When David receives poor behavior reports he is grounded from skate boarding and other activities he enjoys

Figure 1.1

The current suggestion and decision to link family therapy approaches to this circumstance is to assist with significant issues. In retrospect, the interventions although practical, placed much of the responsibility and process upon David rather than a family oriented intervention. It was found that many times David would not even bring home his weekly progress reports for review. It was also founded that the use of negative reinforcement strategies was not effective due to David's already tattered self image. After further interactions with parents it was discovered that they rarely complimented David on what he does right, and they admitted to criticizing him at times. With this information I believe that it would be wise to now integrate a positive reinforcement plan that would assist with promoting good behavior and increasing self esteem. I feel that suggesting the use of strategies to assist with David's parents in regards to their relationship and the scape goating behaviors David describes may be beneficial. I believe that David's parents would also benefit by gaining parenting skills and education. The prior treatment plan did not allow David to experience for himself the roles of others or allow him to identify thought and feeling patterns. I believe that with the understanding of David's personality and his obvious intelligence and sensitivity, utilizing strategies that assist with thought identification may be beneficial. The newly suggested treatment plan is as follows;

Goal One: To decrease David's problematic behaviors

- To increase David's awareness of how his behavior affects others

- To assist David in identifying thoughts, feelings, behaviors, beliefs

- To assist David's parents with better parenting and relationship skills

Figure 1.2

Strategies for Change - Cognitive Approach

During session discussion I would ask David, how he thought his behavior at school made others feel and what impact his behavior had on others. After his response I feel that the "Critical Moment" Cognitive Behavioral approach intervention that I learned at the University of Michigan School of Social Work may be effective (Personal Communication, R. Tolman, October, 2006). I would suggest that a role play should be utilized with David and his parents. I would ask David to identify any time or circumstance in which he interacted with a teacher negatively and when the interaction concluded with a negative consequence for David. The circumstance I would request of David must have ended with him thinking that he should have responded differently. I would ask him to express to all of us his detailed story from beginning to end. After he expressed his story I would ask David and his parents if there were more positive responses David could have utilized that were not disrespectful. David and his parents would have good ideas regarding what David's response could have been and they would share these ideas. After sharing their ideas, I would request that David play the role of the teacher, and I then ask his father to play the role of his son David. I would ask David's father to make sure that in his response, as he acted like David that he would include the newly agreed upon positive response. As both would act out the role play, David would state the words of his teacher within the past interaction and his father would do his best to repeat what David had stated was spoken during the interaction, except for the addition of the positive statement that David should have said. After the role play, I would request a role reversal. This time David would play himself, stating what his father had stated with the positive response attached to his interaction. His father would play the teacher, and at the conclusion David would hopefully begin to understand both roles of those involved. It is hypothesized that this role reversal may change David's perceptions.

The second intervention that I believe would be helpful in allowing David to identify his thoughts and feelings and how they effect his behavior would be to utilize during the session a dry erase board in order to draw the "circle of identification" (Becvar & Becvar, 2000). This circle could indicate the process of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. I feel that the utilization of this type of intervention may work well, considering the known information regarding David's love for drawing and visual acuity. I would suggest to David to express a time when he was disrespectful or acting out against his parents or teachers. That specific episode would be the focus in which we would identify his thoughts, feelings and behaviors to that circumstance. As a therapist I believe that as we identify his thoughts and feelings during this episode and address whether or not they were positive or negative, or whether they were realistic or distorted; at the center of David's response could lie schemas about himself and others that may not be healthy or functional for his life. It will be the goal of this intervention to address those negative schemas that may be assisting in negative responses, and purposely inserting positive collaborative thoughts created within our sessions.

Due to suspected negative reciprocity and the development of negative schemas within the family system, regarding David's consistent behaviors, it would seem to be beneficial to utilize a third cognitive approach. I feel that it may be beneficial for the Peterson family to utilize a thought, feeling, and behavior journal for all members in the family (Becvar & Becvar, 2000; Lawson & Prevatt, 1999). It would be expressed to the family that on each page of the journal there should be two headings; "What did David do today", and "How did I feel about what David did today." I believe that this could allow the family over a number of sessions to come to a realization of how they are perceiving their son, and how David perceives himself in a qualitative manner. Identifying these schemas, thoughts, and feelings may be beneficial for assisting in cognitively reconstructing the family systems perception and expectations of David's behavior.

Narrative Approach

It could be suggested that in an effort to speak about the behaviors within sessions one should seek to reduce parental "problem saturation" regarding discussions of David's behavior (Lawson & Prevatt, 1999). It could be hypothesized that due to the constant criticism and negative perceptions that David's parents have expressed regarding his behaviors, utilizing an externalization technique would be beneficial (Lawson & Prevatt, 1999). As the therapist I should ask two sets of questions; questions relating to how family members feel about David's behavior and after a series of questions regarding the families reactions to David's behavior I would ask the parents if there was ever a time in which David did not act disrespectful or behave in a negative manner (Prevatt & Lawson, 1999). All family members could then begin to identify the negative behaviors as external events in which they could seek to collaborate and work against (Prevatt & Lawson, 1999). This would seem to be an effective intervention, especially for David who has been indicated as having low self esteem and has been identified as possibly being the scape goat within the family system.

After a thorough expression of different perspectives over a number of sessions, as the therapist I would suggest to the parents to write a letter to their son. Within the letter I would ask them to express their commitment to helping David. I would express to the parents to write positive statements of affection for David and let him know that they validate his feelings. This would lend to decreased fault finding and negative reciprocity (Lawson & Prevatt, 1999). This process I believe would assist David in reducing his feelings of isolation and enhance his commitment to working against the externalized problems.

Furthermore, a third intervention that may be effective would be for myself as the therapist to write a final letter of prediction (Lawson & Prevatt, 1999). This letter would be written in a way that expressed a strengths base perspective and a positive message of hope in regards to family commitment and David's behaviors.

Psychoeducational Approach

As the therapist I would pursue concepts and processes consistent with educating the Peterson family. I would identify concepts that may be effective considering the educational level of the parents and David, as well as the families strengths and ability to utilize problem solving and communication concepts (Becvar & Becvar, 2000). Considering the suspected scape goating behaviors of Mr. and Mrs. Peterson, I feel that teaching Mr. and Mrs. Peterson better ways of communicating their own problems rather than projecting them upon David would be beneficial. I believe speaking with Mr. and Mrs. Peterson about active listening skills, practicing the communication ball technique (speaker holds the ball / listener waits their turn) would allow the Petersons to work on their listening skills. I feel that this would work well for the Petersons considering their educational level and willingness to learn.

Another intervention I would implement to enhance communication with the educational system would be to teach parents how to implement a home/school communication system (Foley, 2007). This system includes maintaining a chart that is marked by teachers and parents to indicate behaviors, moods, and activities that were completed during the day (Foley, 2007). The construction of this system creates effective communications between school staff and parents (Foley, 2007). As the therapist I would ask the Petersons to construct this system as instructed and then within one session evaluate the process and express the ideas to David. Emphasizing also to David that good reports will bring good rewards. Educating Mr. and Mrs. Peterson regarding follow through and consistency regarding the communication system would be very important.

Due to the educational levels of the Peterson family, as a therapist I would suggest interventions such as parental skills groups within the community or the use of parenting resources and educational programs within sessions. It is hypothesized that the Petersons would welcome any educational information regarding more effective parenting. Recommending web sites, books (Love and Logic) and therapeutic games to enhance a child's communication and self esteem would be possible interventions for the Peterson family. These psychoeducational interventions would assist with the third objective of the treatment plan, regarding the need to obtain greater parenting and relationship skills.

Conclusion

The difficulty I identified within the first treatment plan was that only one approach was utilized and it was not an eclectic process with at least three approaches and multiple interventions. I believe that the eclecticism should be a priority due to the nature of the problem and multiple systems involved. I felt as if in order to reduce David's negative behaviors the interventions should be creative, connected to problem solving objectives and address the entire family system.

I believe that utilizing a cognitively based approach would be an important part in identifying the negative beliefs and schemas David may have about himself as the roots of his low self esteem. By increasing David's abilities in negative thought identification, David will be able to purposely insert positive thoughts through cognitive restructuring (Becvar & Becvar, 2000). Gaining parental involvement with journaling may also be a wonderful intervention, considering that Mr. and Mrs. Peterson are writers and may give interesting and creative reflections.

What may be a concern is that David's parents could identify externalizing a problem through a Narrative approach, as a way of David not taking full responsibility for his behavior. Considering their past negative reciprocity of his behaviors and the parents' attitudes and expectations, it would be important to emphasize the significance of such a perspective.

David stated that his parents do not listen to him. Also admitted by his parents, they tend to argue more when David gets in trouble. The chosen Psycho educational approach would seem to be an effective approach. This approach I feel would assist the Petersons in gaining valuable communication skills and greater parenting strategies for David. I feel that communication building strategies would assist with what David stated as "no one listens to me." Considering the Petersons income level, community influence and positive attitude towards education, suggesting that they gain involvement in a parenting and or communications group would be an excellent intervention strategy.

I feel as the Petersons therapist that the utilization of these three approaches and choosing them according to their specific circumstance and family dynamics that they will prove to be more effective. I feel that these approaches contain all the elements that are needed to enhance the skills and reduce the problems that were chosen by the Peterson family.

Note to Reader: All participants in this article and the agency are fictional: any relation or connection to real circumstances is clearly coincidental.

L. J. Riley Jr. BSW, LLMSW

______________________________________

References

Becvar, D. S., & Bacvar, R. J. (2000). Family Therapy; A Systemic Integration. (4th edition). Needham Heights; Ma: Allyn & Bacon Publishing.

Foley, S. (2007) Psychological Testing for Social Workers; The Notes.

Lawson, D. M., & Prevatt, F. F. (1999) Casebook in Family Therapy. Belmont; CA:

Wadsworth Publishing.

Laverne J. Riley Jr. is a Persian Gulf War combat veteran. He graduated with high honors from Mott Community College as a member of Phi Theta Kappa. He is a graduate of the University of Michigan Flint BSW Program in which he won the "Maize and Blue Scholar Award" with high honors. Recently, he graduated with an 8.0 (4.0) GPA from the University of Michigan Ann Arbor MSW School of Social Work, in which he became the recipient of the Howard and Judith Simms Fellowship. L.J.Riley Jr. lives with his family in Burton, Michigan and continues to write children's work, metaphorical poetry and seeks to make vast differences for people and the world.

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Family time: How you can give your family or for time this Christmas

I said if there was a very simple way you can spend more time with your family this Christmas? I told about it would cost you a cent? What if I told you it was an easy way to get up to four extra hours each day with your loved ones? Would your family to benefit from this extra time?

All you have to do is get rid of your TV.

"WOAH!Wait a minute! I CAN'T POSSIBLY give UP MY TV! " call. NOT MY SOAP!NOT FOOTBALL! NOT DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES! NOT ... "

Well, I am not saying that you would not have to sacrifice a little; But at the end of this article, you'll see that the benefits of giving up your TV far outweigh the costs, It may seem a difficult task, but it's not really. It only takes a little discipline and creativity to fill the time.

Join the many other families who have given up on TV

Many families have given up on TV. My family did Madonna's family made it; I felt so strongly about my decision, I created a site about it; it is also why I reach out to you now. So you and your family can experience the benefits. Believe me, your family can function without a TV and be happier and healthier home.

Would you rather Miss time with your family or time watching TV?

I realize that this still can be a daunting prospect for many. The average person look after four hours a day and the average family has TV over seven hours a day. It can be a significant change. But think what you give with your family when you spend this much time in TELEVISION. Think about what your family's life can be like without TV to get a better picture of what you and your family are missing.

Breakfast TV

When all are in a hurry to get to school or work, get the morning very hectic. I know. TV only to distraction. If there is no TELEVISION blaring, children are more likely to cooperate in preparing. There may also be time for an old-fashioned family breakfast. At least your family will have more time for nice good-byes when everyone starts his day.

After school without TV

Rather than send school cartoons, which are often filled with violence, kids outside to play; children must play. They are so much happier when they have a chance to run and burn energy. And parents need to play too.Join your child in a game of football and basketball.Go for a walk around the neighborhood. Go family bike ride.The possibilities are endless. enjoy fresh air and sunshine; you can also drag a few friends from their TV, gameboys, and computers and play together.All that exercise, you and your family should build up quite an appetite, don't you think?

Dinner without TV

After so much fun and exercise will your family be ready for a healthy dinner.Remember that they have not been watching television advertising of crunchy delicious POPs and other junk food.So, don't ruin this time by turning on THE TELEVISION that over half of all families.Eat together and talk about your day.Connect with each other and discuss any problems or issues that may have been during the day, When you know what problems your child you can nip them in the bud. Then, you can plan everything fun activities your family will make the next weekend.

Chores without TV

Let's say your family finishing dinner and cleaning up together, OK, I realize chores not is the most popular and fun family activities; And do you not mention chores when you sell this "Family time" plan for the rest of your family.But just imagine how much easier it is to get all the points when THE TV is turned off.

Prime Time without TV

After a good dinner and chores are a "prime time" for families to connect with some fun activities.Depending on your family, this time either back out or exciting.You can play board games, puzzles, read, or cuddle a more back in the evening, Or you can dance, pillow fights, or even ticklefests for gaming and excitement.You can also go for an evening walk and look at all the weird glow coming from other houses where families staring at their TV as well as zombies.

Late in the evening without TV

When the children are in bed, may you and your spouse, a perfect opportunity to connect, I do not think that I'm going to paint a picture of what that time might look like, you can use your own imagination. But after go this far without watching TV, I hope you do not activate it here!

Then of course will be after this great, fun day you be ready and have time for a full night's sleep.

Your family without TV

Now do you think your family may be happier with the routine above? that they can grow healthier over time? every family is different; The routine in your family settle on will probably be a little different. my family routine quite not with the above, in particular in the case of chores, but we have much more time to connect, and the children are playing outside often.

Use your imagination to develop a routine that is customized for your family, Then you will be ready to give your family the gift of quality family time this Christmas; Next Chrismas you will wonder how families find the time to watch TV.

Katherine Westphal is the founder of a new website for daring Recycle your TV!, which makes it fun and easy for people to gain control of their TV set; are you addicted to TV? Take our TV Addiction Quiz and find out!

All is Well

Those were the words I read most days in a signature on the unassisted childbirth forum. They started to sink in then I realised they came from Abraham (a group of spiritual beings who are channeled by Esther Hicks). I bought a book called Ask and it is Given several years ago I didn't read it all as it seemed far fetched and how could all be well. I just thought it was a load of twaddle. But this time I thought what if, what if they are right and the law of attraction does work, what if we ARE supposed to be happy joyous beings. I have written before that I think that if we all  got ourselves sorted out then we'd spend far less of our lives worrying about other people and things that we can not change.

So, I have taken onboard the idea that all is well, what has happened has happened. I can't change that, I can appreciate the good things and let go of the past. All desires are registered by the universe and when we are ready to increase our vibrations to joyous and to allow the desire to manifest then it will.

In the past I have felt my vibrations and mood lift sky high on a raw food diet then got unnerved about the height and fallen hard. This time I am not eating raw all the time but my mood and vibrations are lifting. I am consiously thinking positive thoughts, trying to let go and have fun and trying out singing. I was told I sang flat as a child and have always done so. Now I have let go and started singing anyway. It uplifts my spirits and I just know that singing flat will soon be all in the past.

Tiny Homes

I bought a magazine about eco-housing this week and it had an article about small cheap housing. I really think the tiny house looks excellent. It uses less stuff to build, heat etc. You have less space so are obliged to have less stuff. The idea that it is cheaper also means less time working to pay off loans. Some of them have lots of glass which makes them feel spacious. A tiny house combined with a covered area outside and a greenhouse would be the ultimate in green living. I have been drawing plans, it would be great to build one in the garden. That said we already have more building than we use, we don't always think we have enough space! We had been talking about expanding over the stable so Flo could have her own room, maybe we just need to look at things in a new light and start some serious clutter clearing.

I found a blog about tiny homes which shows lots of great examples.

 http://tinyhouseblog.com/gallery/

 

My Garden

Things are growing really well, the nettle forest is enormous and I hope we will leave them long enough to collect the seeds; We ate loads of young ones cooked. Today I made a flat bread of sunflower seeds and nettle but that is still in the dehydrator. The nettle kraut got really stinky and I threw it out. It tasted odd, not off but not really very appetising. I'm sure I'll try again one of these days.
My website now has loads of pictures and detail of what is going on in the garden at the momment so please check it out.
http://wildgreencuisine.com

Red Slug Syrup

The childrens coughs went on and on in fact they are still coughing occasionally so I cracked and made some red slug syrup and recommended by a neighbour and by Dr Vogel in The Nature Doctor. There is a recipe and pictures here http://suzplace.com/slug.html

Corsica

We had a lovely week in Corsica in April staying with some friends who a have a smallholding. http://www.corsicaincompany.com

I've put some pictures here http://suzplace.com/corsica.html

 

Web Site

I have started my website about wild food, green food, growing food, fermenting food etc. It is an on going project so please keep coming back for more.

www.wildgreencuisine.com

 

Frustration, Canser and Bugs

All my kids are coughing, Flo and Eben the most. Flo missed two days of school and Eben is still home. They eat well and I've tried homeopathy, vitamins etc. I was appalled to find aspartame in the Vit C tabs I bought, not a good idea for the kids. Part of me is saying that I need to up the defensive, force the green smoothies down them etc, part just says 'you've failed, put it in the hands of the doctors'. I just want their bodies to be able to fight this off not going to doctor for drugs which might  fight the bugs but not help them in the long term.

I don't think the fact that my Mum has canser (I'll spell this the same way as Kris Carr does on her CrazySexyCancerBlog ) helps, she has bowel canser and has had a week of chemo and radiation, and is now on a third week of radiation. To me the treatment is nearly as frightening as the idea of canser itself. She is fighting tho and my brother is staying with her and has embraced the raw food concept so I know she is eating well.

I just feel helpless against bugs at the momment. I'm stepping up my lacto fermenting efforts in a bid to out bug the badbugs with goodbugs.

Dandelions

Dandelions are popping up all over the place at the momment. Most people collect the blanched ones in mole hills but I pick the green bitter ones now. Sometimes I make a dressing for them with honey in or at others I cut them up fine and add to another salad. Last night I mixed them with spring cabbage, olive oil, balsamic vinegar and ginger. It was a tasty mix. I also made sunflower seed paté which I served with tomato, cucumber and celery. It not the season for tomatoes and cucumber yet but I just fancied something different.

Nettle Juice!!!!!

There are fresh young nettles shooting out all over the place.

I have juiced them for the first time. Read more on my wild green blog.

www.wildgreencuisine.blogspot.com

Uk Trip

We are off to the UK for 10 days tomorrow. There are lots of people for me to show off my darling daughter to!

I like to see my friends but would really much rather stay here at home. The weather is great and I just want to get on with the garden. I still have time to plant more fruit trees and bushes and then I can start with greening up the ground with all ediable plants. Should be fun. See you soon.

Mouse Mischief

About 2 weeks ago I put some washing on. The machine seemed to be working but finished quicker than I expected. I went to open the door but it was still sealed and full of water. I tried various settings on the dial to get it to empty out but nothing worked. I turned the machine off and thought I'd wait till Griff got home. Later on I was standing in the kitchen preparing dinner, Arwen was in her little car seat looking on and I suddenly heard the machine door and a woosh of water. Gwils had opened the door, turning it off had unlocked the door! I got it shut so not quite all the water came out. There was Arwen in the middle of the puddle looking like she was sailing a boat. I ran for my wet and dry vac to get the water. We have a very old tiled floor which is lain on compacted earth so great for absorbing water!

Griff checked the pump and filter and found a euro coin so we thought it might have been that, but no it still wouldn't empty. We got quite a technique of emptying part of the water into a flexy bucket and sucking the rest with the hoover! We decided it must be the pump and ordered one for 30 euros on the internet. It arrived and still didn't work. So either there was a blockage somewhere or we needed a new machine. Griff removed the drain pipe from the pump and blew up it, sure enough it was blocked. Our machines drain pipe joins to another then goes out side into fatter tubing and into the garden, great for watering in the summer. We seperated the two pipes and there it was a big lump of fluff, or so we thought, on closer inspection it was a mouse. It had come up the pipes and got stuck at the join where it narrowed. We removed the mouse and everything worked fine. Good job we didn't buy a new machine.

Today I put a wash on and the same thing happened and low and behold another mouse up the tube. Are they on some suicide mission?

2 Mes

Somedays I get really confused as to who I am. I feel like there are two of me. There is me who is relaxed and cool, at one with myself and the rest of the world, I get excited about healthy food and exercise and just love life. Then there is the me who wants to eat chips, roast meat and cream, who wants coca-cola and wine, is irritable and grumpy and shouts a lot.

I guess it is part of a process, once I was just the second person, before I discovered healthy eating and exercise and listening to the inner voice of intuition. Now I am getting closer to being the real me but the old me still hangs around frustrating me and the people around me. I don't seem to know how to say goodbye, it was nice knowing you and you have taught me lots of lessons but now it is time to pack up your bags and leave. Sometimes I really feel like I am letting go but part of me jumps in and brings the bad habits back.

Change isn't easy, not for me anyway.

Wheat Grass

In the absence of wild greens at the momment due to snow I have been juicing wheat grass. Wheat grass juice was a creation of Ann Wigmore. It contains 92 different minerals, beta carotene, vitamins B, C, E, H and K. It has 19 amino acids, lots of enzymes and is 70% chlorophyll. It is extremely good for. Taste wise its a bit strange but I think its worth it for all the good it is supposed to be doing. I use a manual juicer it works extremely well and I am very happy with the result. Once I start juicing wild greens too then I might upgrade to something like this. Champion juicer . Wheat grass and other juices can also be added to smoothies or diluted in water to make them more palatable.

Wild Green Cuisine

This is the name of my new blog and upcoming website. I'm am fascinated by all the greens and wild foods we can eat and how good they are for us.

My belief is that if we covered all the worlds cultivated lands with first fruit or nut trees then fruit shrubs or perenial tall greens and followed by greens on ground level then we would have enough food for all to live a healthy life. In the absence of interested farmers then all people with gardens could start on this and feed themselves.

www.wildgreencuisine.blogspot.com

 

 

Shopping with kids

Sometimes I love shopping with my smiley children, I see the looks of peoples faces when they are smiled at and I'm so glad I took my kids with me. Other times I am amazed by the gloom, a toddler smiles and is full of the joys of spring (summer, autumn or winter) and people say 'oh they're happy now, but just wait they'll see what life is really like!' It makes me so sad that these people just can't see it!

Day 3 raw. Whoopee!!!

Well I've managed 2 days of raw so far and am starting the third well. I've been eating fruit and loads of green salads, I've had a little raw ham and cheese to help with cravings. The cravings aren't  too bad as I am ready for this. Lots of carrot juice and rejuvelac too. I cheated with a baked potato last night as I had done them for the kids and after their salads they didn't want them, it seemed a shame to waste them! I really didn't need it though it was just piggery.

I have just read Green for Life and Wild Fermentation. Both books are very inspiring and I have tried a green smoothie, not bad, and have my first batch of saurkraute started in the kitchen.

On Monday I felt great, I now feel a little tired but am not worried about that, I'll get through!

 

Growing Grass

Why is Mummy growing grass on the windowsill when there is so much in the garden? Florence's comment about my wheatgrass! I have bought a manual juicer so plan to try it out. I'm not really sure how much I'll need for a few drops of juice but I'm going to try it in the next couple of days. Then when spring comes I'll be trying wild greens in there. Its not suprising I worry about people thinking I'm mad is it?

HAPPY RAW YEAR

To you!

Thats my aim anyway, but I'm struggling, I'm craving bread like mad and keep giving in. I have loads of things in the freezer that have to be eaten too. I have made up a plan which leaves once or twice a week to use up some of the stuff in there but I'm still finding it hard. Its like having 2 personalities. One is heavy, dull and eats badly and the other is bright and sparky and light. The problem comes when the bright sparky person manages to get out due to good diet and exercise and I look at myself and say who the hell are you? I don't know you, with all this energy you're going to have to do much more, people will think you are strange, no more treats, just being odd for the rest of your life. Then I give in and go back to my previous habits. Why do we do this? I know I am not alone, What are we afraid of?

Home made Christmas tree

The kids like to have a Christmas tree, I think they look pretty but don't like seeing all those trees chopped down each year. The land would be better planted with fruit or nut trees or just trees that stay there and look pretty all year round.

I thought about buying an artificial tree, but thats brings up the problem of plastics etc so I decided we'd make a tree. I had planned to use wood but then chose to try one out in cardboard first and it was so good we decided to keep it.

Griff has bought me a chestnut tree to plant in the garden so this year we have two Christmas trees one live one that will go on to feed us in years to come, yummy roast chestnuts and another from a recycled cardboard box and secondhand decorations and some decorations made by the kids. We'll be making paperchains this weekend.

Dry or Wipe ?

I recently read about the amount of paper that is used to wipe our bums with. Its an enormous amount. Then I read about it here http://nakedfoodcafe.blogspot.com/2007/11/doing-paperwork.html

We have an outside dry toilet and at one point used old newspaper but it wasn't really absorbant enough so we started buying proper paper. We try and use as little as possible and encourage the children to do the same. They are pretty good but sometimes the appeal of the cardboard tube becomes too much and down the loo goes the paper!

I was sent this picture yesterday and I just had to post it. Is this the solution? :)

8 skipping ropes

My house is full of so much stuff, I can't believe how much. I am not a tidy person and have become a hoarder. I like to recycle and reuse things so everything is kept, just in case! I have started on the kids room which is a tip. Flo has 8 skipping ropes and she can't even skip :)

Do I just tidy the mess or do I get rid of it. Today I listened to so tapes I'd copied off of the radio and they are definatly going in the bin, one even had me singing on it, yuck yuck yuck. I cut that one so noone could get it out and listen to it, it was awful.

Sometimes I'd just like to throw everything away and start from scratch. So much of the stuff is stuff we have been given and whilst it is so often usefull and the kids are dressed mostly like that it is still too much but I don't like to say no and so the cycle goes on and on. I cleared my desk yesterday and it is so much nicer sitting here now than it was. 

Intuition and Bananas

To make use of your own intuition you have to trust it, COMPLETELY!

I was reminded of this on my friend Connies blog. Its something you have to do during childbirth. Odd things happen when giving birth and you just have to trust that they are right for you or to know clearly when they are not and to act on it. I can do it then but its not easy the rest of the time, which voice is intuition, which comes from my mind and is based on learnt behaviour and which is just down right addiction (this is the easiest to spot, the cravings for bread and wine are a big give away!)?At the start of my pregnancy my inner voice kept telling me to eat fruit, my mind kept saying 'Why? I don't like fruit.' I chose to listen and found myself not only enjoying fruit but eating more raw food than I ever had. It went wrong when I stopped listening and followed what was expected of me when in England and I didn't get back to it. Its getting better now but I have to listen to my intuition about what to eat NOW, not in the morning when I'll start my new diet, but NOW when I feel like carrot juice or nettles.

In the summer Connie started a new blog called Banana Island and along with her family she followed a mono fruit diet for a while. I was envious of their commitment and found that it seemed like such a good idea. I don't think I'll do that as my intuition is screaming green and wild foods to me. Not just nettles but the great selection of wild green stuff that grows around me. I will listen to my intuition and I will do it and get fit and well and happier than imaginable, I just have to trust.

Thank you Connie for your blogs and the inspiration that they give.

http://nakedfoodcafe.blogspot.com/

http://bananaislandgetaway.blogspot.com/

5 weeks, ALREADY?!

Wow, I can't believe Arwen is already 5 weeks old, time has really flown. I am typing this with her asleep in the baby carrier. She spends most of her time in someones arms and sleeps in with us at night. Some people have said ''oh, you don't want to get them used to being carried around and picked up when they cry'' my answer to that is that I would rather my newborn learnt that when she needs me that I am there as opposed to learning that she'll be ignored. People also ask if she is good. Is a newborn really good or bad? They have needs thats all and its up to us their parents to make sure they are met.

Mum stayed for just over a week, the kids loved it. I find it hard as she wants to talk all the time and I don't. I'm a solitary person and to be in anothers company all the time is hard. Okay so I have 4 kids but thats not the same and I still need my space.

For Halloween I invited some friends for dinner so the kids could dress up. For a couple of years halloween seemed to get more popular in France but this year nothing, no decorations or costumes in the shops, nothing. We decorated the house and painted the kids faces so they had fun.

I swam for the first time since before Arwen was born on Sunday. I managed a kilometre which is what I was doing before but it is easier to swim at the end of pregnancy than getting back into it a few weeks later! I have been for a couple of runs with Eben and can just about manage a run with a nearly 5 year old! I really want to get running again. Next October I plan to run a marathon, not give birth!

I am still drinking my nettles (occasionally) and have drunk carrot juice again this morning. I have even started some clover and mustard seed sprouts which is the first time since January. Yeh to getting back to raw!!!!!

Placenta Smoothies

When I first read about these my thought was YUCK. But when Arwen was born I was showing Flo the placenta and decided to try a small piece. It should stop post partum hemorrhage and it was suprising fine to eat, not meat like or chewy just warm really. The rest went in the fridge with the intention of burying it in the garden but the more I thought about it the more I thought it would be more sensible to consume it for all the vitamins, minerals and hormones it contains. Some people cook it but I couldn't do that, others dehydrate it and make capsules with it but smoothies seemed the easiest way to go and the rawest. I cut the placenta into inch cubes and froze most of it. It was odd cutting up a part of me but then I thought about cutting up dead meat and I can do that and this wasn't even something that had been killed it had just finished its job.
I have nearly finished all the pieces. I just blend one with water and half a banana or a pear and it just tastes of the fruit that is in it. I guess that is what has been helping me to continue to feel so well. Arwen is a lovely baby, she suckles and sleeps and loves to be in my arms much of the time. School holidays start on Friday so we will all be together everyday and my Mum is coming too so that should be quite an experience!

A lovely Sunday

What a lovely day we've had. Griff took the 3 eldest kids to the swimming pool this morning and I stayed at home with Arwen and cooked Sunday lunch, I love raw food but still have a thing about Sunday lunch. They got back and we all ate together with Arwen at the table too in her Daddy's arms. My complete family together, lovely. After lunch most of us slept a while then we went out for a walk round the wood behind our house. Griff and Flo ran, Eben zoomed off alone and us slow ones pootled behind and kicked through the chestnut leaves on the ground. The sunshine was brilliant and it was warm. We've since had supper together and the kids are in bed and I'll be going soon, Griff is watching the last quarter final of the rugby world cup over at a neighbours.

In all our day has been perfect and so different from what it could have been had I decided on Friday to go to the hospital to give birth. It would have been spent in an overheated room with people popping in all day, the kids would have gone up the walls when visiting etc.

Homebirth is definatly the way to go.

PINK PINK PINK !

We are so delighted, we have a little girl. She is called Arwen Elenor and was born at home yesterday evening. Labour was short but hard, I still feel ecstatic now but am glad to have my family complete and not have to do that again. Birthing at home with just the family is so much nicer than being in a hospital. Its hard work for Griff though running round after us being parent, cook, midwife, cleaner etc. The children are delighted with the baby, Gwilym is a little unsure which is to be expected so everyone is paying him that little extra bit of attention. We'd have been really pleased with a boy or a girl, but it being a girl really is the icing on the cake.

Here she is.

Cutting cords of attachment

I've just been reading about a book on cutting cords of attachment. It is written by Rose Rosetree who has also written good books on empathy and aura reading. The book is more about spiritual attachments than physical but is relevant to me at the momment knowing that sometime in the next two weeks I'll be severing the bond that attaches me so closely to this baby I am carrying, the spiritual bond will be stronger than ever but the physical one has to go. I also need to break my link with the Internet at times. I have so many things I want to write about but as the computor is attached by cable to the net at all times I tend to surf rather than write. I need to detach the cable and move away for a while and get typing. Addictions are attachments I wonder if the techniques in the book work. At the momment I feel that giving up an addiction is a matter of choice. Its making the choice that is difficult. Sometimes we think we want to give something up but deep down we don't, perhaps that deep down thing is the cord of attachment. I'll have to order the book to find out! 

Nesting and Waddling

I'll be 36 weeks pregnant tomorrow. I reached the momment were time seems to be standing still. Birth is so close yet so far, I am so looking forward to it but at the same time I don't want it to happen just yet as I love feeling the baby move and the practise contractions. I'm drinking lots of raspberry leaf tea, its nice just to pick them straight from the bush and to nibble of a few raspberrys at the same time. I am still eating loads of fruit but too much cooked stuff. I am knocking out quick meals most of the time and relying to much on staples such as rice and potatoes. Florence and Eben are back at school and eat there at lunchtime. Each evening we have a big salad. Eben seems to have turned into a rabbit and loves his greens at the momment. I need to find a better balance. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in the idea of raw that instead of cooking a vegetable I end up leaving it in the fridge until it rots were as if I'd cooked it we'd at least get some good out of it.
I've prepared all the things I need for the baby and have even been down on my hands and knees scrubbing the floor which is very unlike me, definately nesting instinct! I went for an ultra sound scan at 33 weeks and all looks fine, I was very pleased with myself for saying I didn't want to know the sex of the baby, Griff hoped to see but he or she just showed their back so we are both still in the dark. I'm going back to see the midwife on the 17th September then plan to leave it at that. We are still planning on having this baby at home, just us, but the hospital knows about us should I decide to go in.
The swimming pool has been closed for a week and will be for another which is a bummer, the only option left to me now is walking and I'm not doing that very well anymore as I waddle! Never mind I'm doing lots and lots of reading and lounging on the sofa as sitting isn't very comfy either. I read today the theory that nature makes the last month of pregnancy uncomfortable on purpose so that we look forward to birthing, maybe thats true.

Over Eating

I've just taken some pancreatic enzymes to help with my digestion, at others I drink cider vinegar, sometimes gaviscon or bicarb for the acid reflux. Why can't I just simply eat less? Its daft and I know its not just me, people the world over are popping pills for illness's caused by simply eating too much or not eating what is good and natural. Crazy, aren't we all pigs?

I'm Back!

After 3 weeks in England we got back home last Monday. I've got out of the habit of blogging so need to get back to writing down some of these thoughts that whizz around in my head all day. I also need to act on a lot of them and not waste time just surfing for something to do.

I found England hard work to start with but then relaxed and enjoyed seeing people. I hated the car journeys though, the UK is so over populated that short journeys take for ever, 4 hours to cover 80 miles on a sticky afternoon with 3 kids in the car and a dodgy exhaust pipe that pumped its fumes into the car when we opened the windows was not fun for anyone involved!

For the first week I managed to keep up with eating fruit for breakfast and some salad but then it just went wrong, toast, sandwiches, cakes, fish and chips etc etc. The main thing I noticed was how dry eating like that is, its odd because when eating raw I like the dehydrated things as otherwise food is too wet! Balance is needed. I am slowly moving towards raw again, very slowly, its not just me I still have 4 others to feed so we are having lots of salads with or before cooked meals. We had tomato and clover salad today which everyone enjoyed even though the clover is quite bitter. We've been shopping twice since we got back and it just seems daft when I see all the green stuff in the garden which is edible but we don't eat through lack of habit, hence the clover today. We also have blackberries and plums which are delicious even if a little waterlogged. There is actually a little sun today, the first we have seen since getting back, so I'll be back later when I have picked more delights from the garden to eat.

Feeling unwell

Well I really don't think my body appreciated the way I fed it at the weekend. Yesterday afternoon Griff opened a packet of crisps (potato chips) and poured me a glass of rosé. Its odd how even though crisps are so greasy and bad for me that I can't stop stuffing, after that an half a glass of wine I started to feel sick and still feel grotty over 24hrs later. I've eaten a bit of fruit and drunk lots of carrot juice. This evening I tried some scrambled egg and toast, not ideal but was what Griff did for the kids and it looked lovely, it didn't make me feel better worse. I may have picked up a bug as the Griff and the kids haven't been at their best either, or maybe I gave everyone food poisoning with my cooking.

I've got people coming for lunch tomorrow who were already worried that as a brit that I might serve them lamb with mint so I am going to mix lots of salady stuff with some pork and paté so everyone is satisfied. On Thursday we are picnicing with neighbours so we can watch the Tour de France go by together, then Friday we are invited to friends in the evening so my raw food diet is already getting difficult. I just don't want to be ill when we are in England and I don't want my diet exhausting me. This is going to be a real test of how much I can care for myself and not worry about what other people think, tricky!

Pizza and Cherry Tart

My pizza and cherry tart had alot more success with the kids than the curries I made. I served the pizza with a green salad which consisted of shop bought lettuce with garden picked clover, comfrey (tiny amount) and vine leaves. We also had the onion bread with pureéd aubergines and that was good too. We made Eben taste the left over nettle curry and his reaction was one of such horror, he was convinced it was stinging the inside of his mouth. The base of the cherry tart was made of sunflower seeds and cherries and Flo loved it. I have also tried out flaxseed crackers and guacamole with more crispy vine leaves and sage leaves.
At the weekend I again slipped into the world of cooked food and ended up with irritated bowels and bladder. One day of cooked does do too much harm but two causes all sorts of problems. I had some rosé wine too which didn't help matters. I ended up the day on bicarb of soda and vitamins to try and deacidify my body. This morning I woke up achy and craving juices and smoothies. I'm really going to have to watch myself when we are back in the UK for 3 weeks.

Raw Stinging Nettle Curry

Yesterday I spent quite alot of time uncooking, I wasn't feeling in a good mood in the morning and found the food preparation very relaxing. These are the things I made.

1. Sprouted wheat and tomato flat bread / pizza base.

2. Sprouted wheat, onion and poppy seed flat bread.

3. Aubergine marinated in garlic, lemon juice and olive oil.

4. Courgetti with red pepper, basil and nettle pesto and chopped tomatoes.

5. Sprouted wheat pulao 'rice' with raisins and cashews.

6. Courgette cardamon curry.

7. Aubergine, coconut curry.

8. Stinging nettle and coriander curry.

9. Semi dried tomatoes

10. Courgette rings marinated in garlic and chilli and semi dried.

We had the courgettti for lunch, the older kids ate theirs with some protest, Gwilym kept asking for more and yum yumed his way through. We then had some cooked pea soup and garlic mushrooms.

Yesterday evening was a disaster, Flo, Eben and Griff had been swimming and got back late and were tired. Neither kids ate their curries and Griff just ate his with no comment then stuffed on paté, bread and cheese. Gwilym loved the 'rice'. I thought it was all delicious, even the nettle curry which was a fun experiment and one I will do again.

Today I intend to turn the tomato pizza base into a pizza with the semi dried toms and courgettes together with other bits and pieces. I will also purée the marinated aubergine to have with the onion bread. I will serve all that with the white sausages that Griff and the kids bought yesterday. That shows a great improvement in my mood as last night I was going to have all the yummy raw food and they were just getting sausage and potatoes!

Dying or being alive

Last month was one filled with death, a close friend lost her baby a week before it should have been born, 3 close friends lost their dads and our community lost its mayor. The first was by far the hardest to deal with, a little girl who never really got the chance to be alive. Each time I heard of a death I thought 'I don't want to die, thank goodness I'm still alive'. I started to think about what being alive means.
Do we spend most of our lifes dying or are we being alive. I think that as kids we are alive. Look at the joy you see in kids faces and they are truly living. Sometime we start to die, unfortuanatly some sooner than others. The way people treat us adds to this process, so does the stuff we ingest into our bodies. We are taught to think that dying all your life is normal, we have to do as we are told, follow doctors and parents who don't know any better, we are taught that it is better to look after other people than ourselves, putting ourselves first is seen as selfish. I've realised that this is a load of old rot, we need to put ourselves first, learn to love ourselves and get on with living our lives. If we really do what is best for us, for our minds, bodies and spirits then we will feel great and be more there for life. We can take responsability for ourselves, others won't have to give up their lives to look after us. Looking after ourselves doesn't mean ignoring everyone else or not being kind, I just believe that if we really all took care of ourselves we would have more time for others, for having fun with them, not nursing them or listening to their health wows. Changing the way we think isn't always easy, we don't want to give up the way we think, what we eat and drink. I find myself eating or drinking things I don't want to because I don't want to upset others around me, this is just ludicrous. Why should I fill my body with crap just to make someone else happy, why do I feed my own children crap food, just to make them happy? Its daft because feeding them good live food will make them so much happier in the long run as they will feel better and learn that feeling good about being alive is the way to be.
I've been struggling with my raw diet but now realise that the choice is really mine, do I want to be dying or living?

Chocolate Cherry Cake (Raw of course)

On Sunday I decided to unbake a cake. I found a recipe on a friends blog http://www.nakedfoodcafe.blogspot.com and adapted it to suit my ingredients. This is what it came out like.

The base and top for the cake were made from 3 cups dates and 3 cups of brazil nuts and a tablespoon of cocoa powder. I processed them in a food processer with half a cup of water then shaped into two rounds on a greaseproof tray which I put in the freezer for about an hour, till firm.

The filling and topping were 3 cups cherries, 3 tbsps cocoa, 1 cup ground cashews, 2 tbsps honey all whizzed up together. I also put fresh cherries in the middle and on top.

It was so delicious and rich. I'll definatly be doing more unbaking. Thanks for getting me started Connie.

Swimming Flo

On Saturday night we went to a party at Griffs swimming club, there were to be games and races for the children and adults. The first race was for the kids, they had to do 2 lengths (of a 25 metre pool), starting by jumping or diving in, then swimming to a float and swimming underneath it, then more swimming and climbing out onto a float and walking across 2 others, then swimming some more then diving down through a metal cage, swimming to the end, climbing out and jumping back in to do it all again. Flo hasn't joined the swim club yet as the criteria to join is to be able to swim a length unaided. She can just about do it now and will have lessons this summer before joining in September. Back to Saturday, Flo was called over to join in the race and the next thing we knew she was up on the starting block and ready to go first, I was with the boys so sent Griff to keep an eye on her, old mother hen! She jumped in holding her nose but then did the whole length no problem, she got out at the other end not realising she was meant to go again but once told happily jumped back in and did it all over again. We were so proud of her, what a girl!

Bouncing Belly and Vine Leaf Crisps

I am now 5 months pregnant and when I lie down my belly bounces up and down as the baby kicks, I thought I didn't 'see' the movements till later on in the past, but its fun and gives the other kids chance to see their baby brother or sister. I chose not to have an ultra sound at 23 weeks as I can tell that things are growing okay and feel great. One big reason for this scan is to check for abnormalities so an abortion can be performed is desired. I knew I didn't want that so didn't see the point. The other big reason is to find out the gender, everyone is asking me if I know. I did with the other three but this time would like a suprise.

I had a week of eating lots of cooked food and the acid reflux and aching legs came back. After 4 days back on raw things are better again, I have more energy and feel happier. I am really enjoying this pregnancy and feel relaxed and serene about it.

Last night I tried a recipe for green crisps, I used vine leaves dipped in a paste of ground cashew nuts, salt, olive oil, garlic and chilli, then put them in the dehydrator for a few hours to 'crisp' up. Scrumptious!

One Month Raw!

Its been 4 weeks since I started my raw challenge. I've done really well and eaten more fruit than I normally would have done in a year. I still slip up and give in to the toast and butter craving but most of what I'm eating is alive and well. On Friday my failure proved the sucess of this way of eating. I ate cooked all day Friday and had to go to bed early and had terrible trouble waking in the morning, something that was happening frequently pre raw but hasn't happened this month. What else has changed? Since getting back on the carrot and apple juice I have felt much more alert and happy. I guess its the sheer quantity of good nourishment that you can get from juice.
I have used a site called nutridiary to work out how many calories I have been eating and to see if I am eating a balanced diet. A couple of things have suprised me. One is the amount of protein in vegetables, most food composition tables don't even bother with the protein from veg but even a simple courgette has 14% protein, so if you mix fruit and veg its easy to get enough protein. The biggest suprise was related to calcium and iron, even vegan nutrition books don't tell you that there are stacks of both in green leafy veg. Parsley is especially high. About 500g of parsley will provide all the iron and all the calcium most people need in a day. Ok so that is a lot of parsley, but if you juice it its not much to consume and think how much one cow has to eat to provide the meat for the iron and another has to eat to provide the milk for the calcium! I can't believe how much we have been brainwashed, even well known nutritionalists say that a pregnant woman can't fulfil her calcium needs without supplements, cods wallop I say, its just a case of getting used to consuming different foods and believing in what is growing, often beneath our feet.
I plan to continue to eat and drink this way I really feel like its the right thing to do, slip ups will come but won't last for long as this is so much better. I still have urges to drink wine and beer but one glass and my legs feel like they will collapse so that not much fun.
I am now 23 weeks pregnant and feeling great. The acid reflux that had started has stopped and my legs have hardly been achey. I swam 1200metres yesterday so am still able to do some exercise. I tried running a little in the wood the other day but it hurt my belly so had to stop. I'll be able to run at the end of the year so its not much to drop it now. I'll be running round non-stop when I've got 4 little monsters to chase!

Week 3 Raw

This is day 3 of week 3 and things are going well, apart from a major hiccup on Sunday and Monday. I feel better on this diet, the acid reflux has stopped, I have less aches and pains, no hypoglycaemia problems, I feel good about myself and I'm being creative.
Lunch today was tomatoes stuffed cashews and rocket, mushrooms stuffed with garlic and sunflower seed all on a bed of marinated cabbage. It was fabulous.
Tonight is a raw Indian meal, cauliflower and tomato curry, courgette curry, aubergines with cashew nut yogurt and pear and apricot chutney. I'll have mine on a bed of greens and I'll do some brown rice for the others.
Raw food doesn't have to be cold, I warm it through till just above finger hot so the enzymes aren't destroyed but its nicer warm and the flavours mingle better.

Bee Keeping

On Saturday after lunch we went out in the garden. Flo said that she thought the bees were swarming, I said that I didn't think so as they'd been really busy and noisy the day before. We went to look anyway and lo and behold the sky near the hives was just a mass of bees. I hoped it was a swarm coming in to one of our empty ones but no it was one of our going out. Luckily it landed in a bush in the neighbours garden. I let if settle and phoned Griff for instructions. Normally he looks after the bees, I'm not very keen on them but I do know that swarming bees tend to be good tempered as they are on a fun mission and these are slovenian bees that are supposed to be nice natured anyway. Also I didn't want to loose them as we had a hive die off in the winter.

I put a film on for the kids and prepared a box for them, it was a half hive that we had bought the swarms in the year before, I kitted up and got the smoker going. I put the box under the swarm and shook the branch hard. Half the bees fell in the box and the rest on the floor, fortuantly they started to climb up the sides and go in. There were still some bees on the branch and the queen was one of them. She has a blue paint spot on her back. I carried on shaking as bees were coming back to the branch all the time. At one point I saw her fly but didn't see were she went. After a while I put a lid on the box so it was harder for the bees to get out and went and got another just in case I still didn't have the queen but this time they just flew straight out and the ones in the other box had already started to seal the lid down so I decided it was time to leave them and wait to see if they all went in the box or back up onto the branch. I got the kids off to their friends birthday party and went back an hour later. Whoopee they were all in the box. I was so pleased with myself, I'd done something I'd never done before and hadn't been agressed or stung, what a feeling! I waited till dusk and bought the box home. I lifted out the frames put them in an empty hive here at home and shook in the rest.

Sunday was rainy so I put a bag of soaked sugar in the top of the hive for them to eat as they had no reserves. Thank goodness I got them as they wouldn't have survived the rain on Saturday night in the bush they had chosen.

They are still there and flying well. I took some frames of honey from the hive that the swarm had come out off and gave them some empty ones to try and prevent them swarming again, so far so good and the honey is liquid, pure and delicious.

Raw Progress

I've been doing really well with the raw food and have made some really tasty dishes, raw spaghetti dishes, raw lasagne, chocolate brownies and loads of fruit and nuts. I've slipped a couple of times, birthday cake at a friends party, toast and butter when upset. I seem to go straight for that when I'm upset, it used to be tea or wine too but now those are of the agenda its toast and butter I crave.

This morning though I was thinking about having toast and staved it off with fruit, but then the kids wound me up and my immediate reaction was ' I'll have to have toast now'. I wonder if I was just using the upset as an excuse rather than the upset making me want the toast. I haven't had it yet though.

I've ordered a small dehydrator so will be able to do more raw breads and things. Watch this space!

Raw courgette pasta with red pepper pesto

Tonight I sliced a courgette / zuchinni into julieene strips so it looked like spaghetti then in a mixer whizzed up red pepper, basil, sunflower seeds and olive oil and poured over the courgettiti. Delicious and it took about 10 mins max. (If you don't have a julieene cutter you could grate it or very finely slice, or trim slivers with a potato peeler.

I was amazed how good it was, I think it would have been even better just warmed through on a radiator or in the sun for a while but I was too hungry, theres a tiny bit left so I'm off to finish it off!

Binging and back on raw

My sugar cravings have been getting silly and I am still struggling with giving up alcohol completely. I just feel very silly being so unable to stop despite the problems it could cause. On Friday we had some friends over and I drank 3 glasses of wine with dinner which is more than I should have had. The next day I had stomach cramps and the runs and felt crap.
I decided it was time to get sorted and move back towards a raw diet and stop the drinking completely. I had to get rid of the sugar cravings first so on Monday I bought croissants, brioche and a strawberry cake and stuffed all day. I got acid indigestion and aches and pains in my joints and muscles. Yuck.
Yesterday was day 1 raw, I need to be carefull with it and eat enough, so I had avocado, tomato, bananas, dates, kiwi, pear, apple, sunflower seeds, pine nuts and the most foulsome carrot and nettle juice. I also drank lots of herbal tea. I felt fine.
Today I have eaten similar things so far but have been hungry alot and rather gurgly. It could be that I'm still a bit bunged up from all the carbo on Monday and the fruit is fermenting in there. I don't know how raw I'll be, I need to eat enough to feed me, the baby and Gwilym, but I believe that done right raw is the way to go for great health. I have been 'baking' today and made raw spouted wheat and onion bread and flapjack. It is drying behind the wood burner at the momment. The weather has turned colder again so I lit a fire today. Hopefully the spring will be back soon I've loads of plants in the greenhouse that need planting out in the garden, all yummy edible ones!

Tea free and gardening

I've been tea free for a week now. Last Monday I just stopped, I thought of cutting down but just couldn't do it. By Monday evening I was foul tempered with everyone and could feel a headache coming on. Tuesday morning the headache was awful, I tried a paracetemol but that didn't do a thing. Later on in the day I started to feel sick and weak, reading hurt and I just wanted to curl up and die. Luckily the boys slept in the afternoon and I felt a bit better afterwards. I picked Flo up from school and then started to feel worse again. Griff wasn't there as he is doing a life saving course and I was begining to wonder if anyone would get any dinner. I decided to try one ibuprofen and if that didn't work I would go for a cup of tea to ease things. Fortunatly if worked and life went on and early to bed. I've had headaches on and off since then but its getting better and I don't miss it. I'm pretty short on energy and drive though. That said I ran for 20mins on Saturday and at the swimming pool on Sunday managed 1200m which really wiped me out but felt good.
The garden is looking beautifull we have lots of very noisy green frogs in the pond and were lucky enough to see a nymph crawl out of the water butt and transform into a dragonfly, amazing! The plants in the greenhouse are looking great, we are eating salads and the first flowers are forming on the tomatoes. There is also an awfull lot of grass to cut and ground to clear to get the potatoes in. When are we ever going to have the time and the energy to do it all? I've no idea, after Griffs course finishes he has to finish pruning his vines and then a week later should be going down south for a fortnight to work. I'm really glad hes been busy this holiday as it means we've been able to stay here rather than going to England or to my Mums. I'm really enjoying just hanging around.

Fruit and unassisted childbirth

Its really strange how tastes change. I've always hated fruit but find myself wanting to eat it at the momment. Whereas before I liked salads and bean sprouts now I want fruit (as well as meat and veg!) The silly thing is that I've been so wrapped up in the raw food idea that most of our bramley apples have rotted, if only I'd cooked them a little and eaten with cream or ice cream. This evening we had a bowl of pineapple, kiwi and icecream for tea.

I want to try again to give up tea so have been looking into an alkaline diet to help me clear out the tea residues as quick as possible. I'm also drinking less tap water as ours has fairly high levels of lead, arsenic and fluoride which can't be good for me or the baby.

I had my 12 week scan and have seen a midwife. I am not going back for a while. I just feel like this is my pregnancy my last one and I just want to do it my way. I'll ask for help if I feel I need it. Eben was born at home with Griff as the midwife and I hope to do the same again. I've been rereading info on unassisted birth at www.bornfree.com and also listening to my centerpointe cd ( click here for centerpointe info ) that I bought when expecting Eben. It really helped me go inside myself and do what I really wanted to do not what was expected of me. I didn't listen when Gwils was on the way and did what people expected and went to the hospital. It was still a good birth but not as good as at home, snuggled by the fire with a newborn and chocolate biscuits!

Raw crumpets and hotcross buns!

No not raw at all. My change to raw has failed miserably. We went to England for two weeks and the only thing that helped the nausea was carbohydrates and I stuffed and stuffed. All my beansprouts died and I haved grown anymore yet. I'm hoping that as the sun comes out and I start to feel less sick I'll be able to move more towards raw food, not 100% but a large amount. I need some omphh. After 3 weeks without running I've started again. Slow and only 30 minutes but thats fine. I plan to drop it to 20 mins when necessary but try to keep it up 3 times a week, ever hopefull!

I had my first scan on Monday and baby has head, body, limbs and heartbeat. Its always so moving the first time you hear a heart beating in something to small. Flo is delighted and hoping for a sister this time. Eben isn't so keen on the idea of two babies around the place.

I've managed to get my drinking under control at last, one small beer or glass of wine occasionally at home and a couple of glasses if we go out. Luckily anymore than that makes me feel foul. A good reason for morning sickness at last. I need to stop the tea though as that makes me feel bad too but I seemed to be totaly addicted to it. I have been drinking less, I'll have to get back to juicing carrots!

Topamax

Topamax is a medication that is normally used for epilepsy but has been found to help migrane suffers and heavy drinkers/alcoholics to reduce their drinking down to sensible levels and helps them loose weight at the same time. It is best used with supplements and more info can be found here

Topamax info and supplements

See the links in the right hand column if you want to buy cheap topamax

Crushed by Empathy

It should be empowered by empathy but this week it has crushed me. I have been feeling more and more wretched. All efforts to eat well have been met with  hatred of myself and why should I bother, noone else cares about me etc. I was standing in the kitchen earlier trying to work out why I hate myself so much and why I was looking for a knight in shining armour to come and save me? Then it clicked! I have a friend who has been depressed and she is always looking to be saved by a man who will treat her like a princess. I realised that I was partly feeling her emotions and was able to let them go. Its like a fog cleared and I feel so much better. I guess that I was feeling a bit down due to feeling tired and sick and so my defences were down when she came to see me on Thursday and I just let it all in. I'll have to remember next time to shield myself.

I did it and the lumberjack.

I did it! I got through day 1 without a drink and it wasn't anywhere near as hard as I thought. In fact it was easy and without a drink I didn't feel sick in the evening, brilliant. I did have two cups of tea though which meant I kept having to get up to wee which was a pain but I felt great. I'm sure I can keep it up as I wouldn't enjoy it with the feelings of worry about the health of this baby. Normal kids are hard enough sometimes. Most of the time they are lovely though. We heat our house with wood there is a stove in each room. Yesterday I was bringing in large pieces for the fire downstairs. We had already bought in a sack of small stuff for up stairs. Gwilym saw me stacking wood by the fire so started taking bits out of the sack to stack them too. It was adorable. Hes been walking less than two months and he was marching back and forth with bits of wood, he gave himself a little clap when he placed each one by the fire. This morning he finished the task and has emptied the sack.

Frightened

I'm worried how we'll cope, we have very little money and a baby on the way. I had started sewing and making jewelry to sell but now I'm pregnant I have lost my self confidence again. What can I do to make more money? I don't want to ask the state for money but I might have to. This is so daft why does money have to mess so many things up?

Sunday Lunch

Sunday lunch is a very special meal for me, I love my roast meat and roast potatoes with gravy and veggies. It doesn't have to be meat either a good nut roast can be just as delicious. I used to do a chestnut and mushroom one which was great. Today we had roast chicken with roasted potatoes and carrots and steamed cauliflower, lovely! I had been reading about FAS (foetal alcohol syndrome) this morning so when Griff served me a glass of white wine I was cautious and felt bad about every sip. What if today was the day for forming something important and its just been messed up by alcohol? The problem was that once the first glass was finished I wanted more, I wasn't happy with one glass and wanted more. I had another one of white and a glass of red. It's got to stop I'll have to just stop completely at least untill I've got out of the habit.

Sunday lunch is the reason I am in this situation, a Sunday lunch when I was 17. I had always said I didn't want children, when I was a little girl and other kids talked about how many children they would have I thought they were mad, I didn't want any and if faced with a baby had no idea what to do to entertain it. Anyway on this particular Sunday my boyfriend took me to a friends house for lunch. They had 4 kids and I was charmed by the big country kitchen and the familiness of it. The kids were great and I decided I would either have no kids or four. It must have been deeply imbedded in my consiousness as when I started to think that 2 was enough I found out I was expecting the third and since then well its been obvious that four it would be, although twins could be fun, taking it up to five but lets wait till the first scan for that and heres hoping for girls!

Running and Archangel Michael

I went for a fantastic run yesterday. My friend and I ran for 40 minutes, the first 10 were awfull and we were both hoping the other would suggest turning back. She hadn't ran for 4 weeks as she has a hernia and it was my first run since realising I am pregnant. It was hard work but we both felt wonderfull afterwards.
I the evening I had a glass of white wine which was nice and my immediate thought was that I didn't want another and that even though I had drunk in my other pregnancies and my kids are okay this one might be different and I would feel really bad if I had an alcohol damaged child. So what did I do, I had a second glass of wine then a third. I would have liked more but had to stop myself. What a pilloc!!
I again prayed for help stopping, help with cutting the attachment I have to alcohol. I asked Archangel Michael to help me. Why can't I stop, why can't I cope with feeling well and energetic? So many questions and so few answers.
I have been drinking sunflower seed milk and crapple juice in a bid to get more raw foods inside me. I had a great salad at lunchtime of lentil, brocolli and clover sprouts with avocado, sunflower seeds and home grown lambs lettuce. It was very tasty and very filling. Last night I had a cooked dinner. So far today I've had nutmilk, tea and toast. Gwilym was up at 6am so I'm feeling cream crackered again.

Self Worth

This afternoon I feel so tired and grumpy, I've failed with my diet and feel like I've failed myself. No one else has any time for me its just want want want. I desperatly want to sleep and even though he can see that Griff then comes out with maybe we could do some gardening. Why can't he just do it if he wants to but no that means I'm being lazy. Lazy old Suzanne who always needs someone telling her what to do. Why can't I just sort myself out? I'm not alone in often thinking that someone else should help me even though I know that is not true. The anwer and the solution to all our problems is inside of us. The problem is beliveing enough in our value to find it. As children we have to ask for everything, we need to but soon adults start telling us no you can't have that, don't be so selfish, at the same time our parents are still doing things for us and efforts to do things ourselves are stopped as we won't do it well enough, quick enough etc, we might do it wrong. Then we learn about doing things for others, its good to do things for others but we mustn't feel pleased with ourselves that would be egotistical. We have to look after others as it's the done thing. This doesn't work though does it as we learn that people can't cope without others to do things for them and we start to wonder why no one wants to do things for us. At the same time we don't let our partners do things as they won't do them as well as us, we start parenting our parents and if our parents are like us they are looking for someone to save them too even though they 'know' life is about doing things for others.

When we see people who do things for themselves and who do well we say aren't they selfish.

Surely there should be a way of doing things for others but at the same time being responsible for ourselves. If everyone was in the main responsible for their happiness then it would be okay as others would need less of us. It doesn't mean we wouldn't have friends and be able to be nice and give gifts etc but it might mean that less of us would feel worthless and that we should always be fullfilling other peoples needs rather than our own.

Feeling Shattered

My salad was tasty yesterday but seemed to be missing something, bread or pasta I think! I was glad for the mushrooms as they gave a soft texture, red cabbage can be a bit too crispy on its own. In the afternoon I made some regular bread as we had friends coming for an aperitif and we wanted to serve our home made paté with it. I know it doesn't go with a raw food live diet but we buy an organic pig each year from our neighbour. He grows grain and lentils too so perhaps I'd be better of just buying that. I have 4 chunks of bacon hanging drying in my bedroom and one ham in the kitchen, the two from this year should be here soon. At least it means that when I give in to cravings its for quality meat. I drank wine last night, I'm not sure how much but not an enormous amount, the nausea hits me too quickly and I was busy eating loads and talking. We had a big bowl of mixed raw nuts and dried fruit too which was tasty.
I seem to have back ache already which is ridiculous and irritable bowels too. I've started taking flax seed for the omega 3 fats and to help clear out my insides. The magnesium and calcium supplement should help that too as well as with the feeling of constriction in my chest and throat that I seem to be having every so often. I also feel shattered its an odd sort of tiredness, I don't really want to sleep as I don't feel it will go away. I didn't have it during pregnancy number one but with the other two I did. I remember saying good night to Flo at 8 oclock and her saying 'its not bed time yet' and I went to bed and she stayed up. Now they all go to bed at 7.30 so I have time to rest after they have gone to bed.

For lunch we had spinach and lettuce salad with some lamb ribs that we bought the other day. I poured myself a glass of wine but managed to stop after one mouthfull. This evening we had salad with raw humous and I did potatoes for the kids and of course gave in and had some too.
Did I mention the massive Yorkshire pudding I did to go with the lamb? No, well I guess I should have. When I saw the fat that had come out I thought it was a shame that I hadn't done potatoes to roast in it so I knocked up and enormous Yorkshire to go with it. It was delicious but not really very raw and energy giving!

Pregnant Again!

I spoke to my sister in law the day after Ebens birthday and she asked why I wasn't pregnant yet. I'd always said I wanted no kids or 4. I'd been thinking next year would be a good time to have number 4 that way it would be done before I was forty and there would be decent gaps between them. I got off of the phone and checked to see when my period was due and then realised why I had been feeling sicky all week, not because I was drinking too much but because I'm pregnant, oh boy oh my! How the hell am I going to cope? I feel shattered, I'm excited and I'm scared too. I'm going to need serious amounts of energy here. I don't want to stop running yet but how am I going to run, continue breastfeeding Gwilym and grow a new person too? The only way I can see getting that sort of energy in through a raw, live diet and of course the booze has to go. I found stopping completely impossible in my last pregnancies but this time I'm going to have to try. I know I'll find support on various forums but I need to commit to myself and family first. I have made a big salad for lunch of mushrooms, red cabbage, shallots, spinach, pumpkin seeds and raisins. I'm not sure about the raisins now I've tasted it but I can't take them out now and the kids should like them. I've also made some rejuvelac and have lots of sprouts going. I'm going to try lots of nut milk smoothies too. I just feel I have to get in as much good grub as possible then the cravings for wine and junk food should go away, shouldn't they?

Ebens Birthday

It was Ebens fourth birthday yesterday so we invited all his class for a party. 11 children came, all with presents so Eben was in his element. The funny this was that they were as excited by his presents as he was. Flo did a magic show, they played with ballons and bounced on the beds. It was great fun. We did a buffet for the kids and adults that stayed and served orangina and white wine. I managed to stay off the wine till the party was nearly over so did make a prat of myself and didn't have a hangover this morning. I ate lots of fatty things and that really seems to do the trick for me. I ran this morning which was the first time in a couple of weeks because of the snow, it went really well despite wanting to turn round after 5 minutes because my nose was numb!

Trouble Signing In

Its taken me since last Tuesday to log on again. Eben is well at last, I have recovered from yesterdays hangover induced by a lovely evening with Florence and Hervé but am feeling at odd with the world and especially Griff. Giving up drinking would probably help but I feel so shitty that this is my crutch, even if its a bit of a wonky one.

Sweet sickness

Poor old Eben has been ill again. Gellified sweets at parties just do him in. Its so hard at not even 4 years old to say no when all the others are tucking in. But after an hour at the party he was feeling ill and 72 hrs later he still has tummy ache. Its so hard for him, people give sweets as treats and he is just ill.

Your Mother was Darth Vader

or how to put your foot in it in one easy step! We were watching the last Star Wars film where Darth has saved Luke and become Anakin again and about to die. It made me think that we all have Darth Vaders in our families. Parents who have been drawn to do things that are not best for their children, drawn to do a certain duty rather than be their true selves. We do it to we put aside our dreams for those of others, we drink to much, work too hard and its only later as death approaches that we are able to understand what went wrong and come back to the true self. The parent who was loathed a lot of the time, becomes more loving and loved and then missed all the more when they die. To try and explain this to my friend I used their mother as an example, it went down like a ton of bricks as you can imagine. I tend to do that dive it without thinking and can be insensitive at times. I guess there is good in everyone just they often do their best to hide it.

Not just Tits, Shashi Chips

Gwils is really eating well now, not just breast milk at last. This evening we have had a veggie curry with Shashi chips, Shashi being the person that taught Griff to cook little cubes of potato in oil, garlic, mustard seed, cumin seed and paprika, yummy. The boys ate loads. They are as fun as ever. Eben didn't want an afternoon sleep as he doesn't want to get big and strong any more.
I'm enjoying writing again and have at last started my website, I've got the template up and running, I just need some content. There is plenty in my mind just not much coming out through my fingers.
Still drinking, still wondering why.
Getting back into sprouting which is great as I love my sprout salads. The running is going well too. Just need to sort out the baby so he sleeps at night so I can. He is walking since the new year which should tire him out!
So welcome back and happy new year.

Empathy

I've known for several years that I'm an emotional empath, that a posh way of saying emotional sponge. No, its more than that its not just taking up peoples emotions but feeling like they do. It hasn't happened for a while and I think that when pregnant and with a small child that the link between us is so strong that it blocks out others to an extent. Any way I knew it was back when we were on the boat, I firstly found myself totaling drawn into a conversation between two women, then later on when one of them spoke to be I could feel how it felt to be her and could hear my voice sounding like hers, its very odd. I've since been rereading Empowered by Empathy by Rose Rosetree (See book links on the right). I was thinking it would be fun to start trying to get skilled at it and wondered if I could sing like a singer if I tuned into one, that would be amazing as normally I groan rather than sing. Now my cold is better I want to try. Something very strange is happening to me at the momment related to movement and music but it deserves a post of its own it may be to do with a past life or just a blockage I'm not sure. I am trying to work it out.

Back Again!

Our week in England was okay. Griff's Dad is stable, we had a lovely time with mine and we saw my Nanny who is not too bad and several friends too. Since being back we have had flu, I've been feeling foul with a sore throat and catarah that has been bunging up the back of my throat, yuk. The good news was that I felt so horrid a couple of days that I didn't even want to drink. Fortuanatly I'm feeling both physically and mentally better now as I've been feeling miserable and crotchety. I've also realised that when Griff says that something I've said or want to do is crazy it doesn't make me crazy and that if he says I'm paranoid it doesn't necessarily mean its true it may be because he doesn't want to hear what I'm saying. Twice this weekend I told him something enthusiastically and he immediatly answered with a negative statement and reasons why what I said wasn't any good and when I got upset it was me being negative! I sometimes think he takes everything I say in the same way he did the philosophy books at Uni, it has to be critisised it can't just be listened to it has to be improved on. I'm all for self improvement but he makes me feel like everything I say is crap. Not anymore though. I'm going to rise up above the shit. Sometimes I feel like leaving but it is my home and why should I. He wouldn't leave so I'd have to sell up. But at the same time we do get on well and both want basically the same thing, neither of us likes being told what to do though. Anyway I was thinking about the way I would have to change if we split up. I would have to change things so why not change anyway. If I think I could be couragous enough to leave and change then surely I could just do the change bit. Then we'll see if things get better.
I was rereading a book called 'Mending the past and healing the future with soul retrieval' by Alberto Villoldo and something struck me. He was talking about how when he was expecting his first child he was worried about how his life would change and figured that if it was too hard he could just leave and go back to his wanderings then one day he realised that he couldn't follow his path A (At home with partner and child) wholeheartedly if he always had path B in his mind as an escape, so he got rid of the escape route from his mind and found that path A became much easier. How often do we do this? We try and change our selves for the better but hold onto the old path, just in case?
Buy this book in the UK:
'Mending the past and healing the future with soul retrieval' by Alberto Villoldo
Buy this book in the US:
Mending The Past And Healing The Future with Soul Retrieval

A Road Less Travelled

I've finally got round to reading a book called 'The Road Less Travelled, A new psychology of love, traditional values and spiritual growth' Its a very good book about psychoanalysis and love near the end he talks about how most people don't make it to the end of their self discovery due to a fear of the power it gives and also the responsibility. It is easier to have people and things to blame than to take full responsibility for oneself. I can relate to that. When I change my diet and way of thinking radically I feel so much better, capable of doing anything but it takes me away from the people around me so I become fearfull and full back into old habits. Will I ever have the courage to follow my road?
Buy this book in the UK :
The Road Less Travelled
Buy this book in the US :
The Road Less Traveled

Self Esteem and Sleep Deprivation

Since Gwils decided to grow his first four teeth all in one go he hasn't been sleeping well and I seem to be suffering from that and drinking too much. It hardly seems worth going to all the effort of stopping again though as I never feel happy with the energetic person I become. I'm not confident being that person. Perhaps it also gives me the energy to do all the things I've been avoiding doing for one reason or another. I was wondering why I have such low self esteem and got a sort of an answer today, its because I'm a nasty unforgiving person, that's what Griff thinks about me anyway. There are a couple of people whose behaviour I really don't like but am thrown into a relationship with via Griff and he just thinks I should ignore their nastiness and forgive them. So once again we are going back to the UK for the school holidays to do our duty.
I really can't get my head round the fact that if someone in your family treats you like shit you have to ignore it and forgive them because they are family but you wouldn't take that from someone else and the family member who treats you like shit wouldn't do it to other people as they wouldn't want to upset them but as you are family and have to forgive them then that's okay.
Is all this problem in my mind just caused by the drinking? It doesn't help in the long run that I know.
Over the years I have read so many self help books about finding your own path but every time I try and step onto mine I feel I am dragged back by people who don't want me to change or they'd like me to change in the way they think I should. Well that's todays rant, I had to get it off of my chest

Teeth, Snakes and Moles

Its looking abit like a graveyard outside our front gate, there is a mole that Beth (our dog) dug out and killed and a snake that Robert got the other day. I've left the mole as my friend Florence has never seen a mole and she is coming to run today. The snake is an ordinary grass snake and quite tiny, not like the ones we saw lots of a few years ago. They were green and yellow grass snakes and quite vicious, they sufocate their victims like a constrictor does. One day I was weeding in the green house and one suddenly shot off, it had been suffocating a large toad. Another day Florence was in her cot, she must have been 2 and she called me asking 'Whats that? I went up and in the corner of the room was a sort of buzzing sound in the plastic bags of clothes that were stored in the corner. I thought there must be a bee or something similar trapped so I started pulling the bags out the way, there in the corner ready to pounch on a entering hand was a large green and yellow grasssnake. I grabbed Flo and took her down stairs and called Griff. We didn't manage to catch the snake and it went back out via a hole in the stone walls. They are thick old walls and must be full of passages used by all sorts of vermin. The plastic bags that were near the snake had tooth marks in them, rather the bags than me. The next day I was sitting on loo when I heard a hissing there it was up in the rafters above my head, hissing at me for disturbing it. Later on though Beth found it in the greenhouse and we managed to deal with it. I don't mind the snakes out in the surrounding countryside but I really don't appreciate them in my house with the small children.
Gwils has grown both bottom teeth at once and slept little in the process so am feeling knackered.

Odd Socks

As I hung the washing out I thought that just for once I was going to have washed all pairs of socks but there in the bottom of the basket was one solitary one, the pair of one that got put in the odd sock box yesterday. Where do the other socks go?
Its apple picking day today. Our Bramelys look fab, they go a lovely bright red here, I also need to dig up the last of the potatoes. The juicer has been working hard this morning with a mix of carrot, apple and beetroot juice. We are supposed to be doing a raw challenge week but had left overs from yesterdays rib of beef which had to be eaten. We even ate all the fat as it was very expensive fat. We had friends round with their 3 children. Its amazing how the numbers grow now, you think lovely, Laurence and Stephan are coming for lunch then you realise you are cooking for 10!
Gwills has nearly got is first tooth and is suffering with it, he has a cold with it and a sore bum, we had to resort to calpol, which seemed to help immediatly and he is now asleep. Eben is knackered and trying very hard to avoid having an afternoon sleep, he has just got in trouble with his Dad which is a shame as he wanted to take him to cut Lucs lawn on the tractor mower.

Nuts

It's nut season. We have been gathering walnuts and chestnuts. In fact Griff and the kids collected most. I went for what was supposed to be a vigorous walk yesterday and the hunter gatherer in me just couldn't resist all those chestnuts all over the path.
I'm going to try eating a chestnut raw to see what its like, I think roasted will probably be the best option though.

Slimming Magic Knickers

I can't believe that one of the google ads on my sight is for slimming magic knickers! Can the ad bots see mine?
What ads are there now?

Harry Potter Stove

We now have a stove just like the one in the Gryffydor dorm in our house. It looks great and is warming the house nicely. I just hope our wood delivery comes soon. The neighbours got theirs this morning. Good job its not sold by weight as it rained so much yesterday that it must be drenched.
Griff and the kids have gone chestnuting. The rain and wind should have knocked loads down. Flo had chestnuts for breakfast, yummy. We have a big creamy salad for lunch with cheese. I am trying to up our raw protein intake to help the neurotransmitters!
I've also still got loads of grapejuice so will whizz up some nettles in it later.
I ran this morning, I did a circuit that took 33 mins on Sat with Florence, it took me 38 mins today, and we thought we where running badly on Saturday! Florence didn't come over today as she was too tired and she has to work tomorrow. Maybe I'll get Griff to run with me and get Vero to look after Gwils for an hour.

Grape Picking and Nettle Juice

Each year the picking of our grapes messes me up. I get torn between the fact that I really shouldn't be drinking and the fact that I will anyway so I ought to help pick. I didn't go on Wednesday to pick the white but went with the kids on Friday evening to pick the rest. There isn't a great deal so we are going to make rosé rather than red. We are also going to do the unheard of and save some as grape juice. I'm going to freeze some rather than heat treat it to keep the enzymes intact.

The pic is of Griff pressing the white grapes! We got the kids in to do the rest. They loved jumping up and down with the juice ooozzing between their toes.

I also need to get back on the other juices, I have been adding nettles to my carrot juice or apple juice. They should be a good purifier. I've just got to get my head round the fact that its okay for me to feel good and have energy. Where did my self esteem go, did I have any?

Drinking, Allergy and Depression

Last week seemed to go by in a blur. I binged on Sunday and the depression hit me like a brick on Monday. I felt like I'd been run over by a bus. I was looking at the book 'Seven weeks to Sobriety' and relooked at the bit about types of drinkers. I had come out as an allergic addicted type which I had thought of as odd, she talks about cravings being triggered by chemicals and perfumes that are related to alcohol and I thought thats not me then I looked at the symptoms of binging then crashing with depression and I remembered that I'd had my hair analysed last year and that mentioned chemical overload causing me problems and ding on went the little light. I had never really followed the program as I had always hoped I could just cut down, but if I'm allergic to alcohol then thats not likely to go away.
So many people seem to want to stop for a while and then get back to social drinking. I'm begining to wonder if that can ever be possible and why if you can stop go back to consuming a poison, for the shere hell of it!
We are so conditioned to think that drinking is an essential part of life, there must be a way to stop that. I need to look at the hypnosis programs and see if there is something there that would help.
I'm also back on the tea and not doing well with raw food either. Why am I programed to feel sh*t as much as possible. That said I had a fantastic run on Thursday. We did a route that took us 43 mins before in under 40 which is fab. We were so pleased with ourselves that we ran again yesterday, unfortuanatly we were tired from Thursday and ran for a very difficult 33 mins. We are both amazed by how much we have progressed even running once a week. We have got used to having complete rest for a week and running again 2 days later was hard but we'll get there.