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Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Empathy

I've known for several years that I'm an emotional empath, that a posh way of saying emotional sponge. No, its more than that its not just taking up peoples emotions but feeling like they do. It hasn't happened for a while and I think that when pregnant and with a small child that the link between us is so strong that it blocks out others to an extent. Any way I knew it was back when we were on the boat, I firstly found myself totaling drawn into a conversation between two women, then later on when one of them spoke to be I could feel how it felt to be her and could hear my voice sounding like hers, its very odd. I've since been rereading Empowered by Empathy by Rose Rosetree (See book links on the right). I was thinking it would be fun to start trying to get skilled at it and wondered if I could sing like a singer if I tuned into one, that would be amazing as normally I groan rather than sing. Now my cold is better I want to try. Something very strange is happening to me at the momment related to movement and music but it deserves a post of its own it may be to do with a past life or just a blockage I'm not sure. I am trying to work it out.

Monday, November 13, 2006

Back Again!

Our week in England was okay. Griff's Dad is stable, we had a lovely time with mine and we saw my Nanny who is not too bad and several friends too. Since being back we have had flu, I've been feeling foul with a sore throat and catarah that has been bunging up the back of my throat, yuk. The good news was that I felt so horrid a couple of days that I didn't even want to drink. Fortuanatly I'm feeling both physically and mentally better now as I've been feeling miserable and crotchety. I've also realised that when Griff says that something I've said or want to do is crazy it doesn't make me crazy and that if he says I'm paranoid it doesn't necessarily mean its true it may be because he doesn't want to hear what I'm saying. Twice this weekend I told him something enthusiastically and he immediatly answered with a negative statement and reasons why what I said wasn't any good and when I got upset it was me being negative! I sometimes think he takes everything I say in the same way he did the philosophy books at Uni, it has to be critisised it can't just be listened to it has to be improved on. I'm all for self improvement but he makes me feel like everything I say is crap. Not anymore though. I'm going to rise up above the shit. Sometimes I feel like leaving but it is my home and why should I. He wouldn't leave so I'd have to sell up. But at the same time we do get on well and both want basically the same thing, neither of us likes being told what to do though. Anyway I was thinking about the way I would have to change if we split up. I would have to change things so why not change anyway. If I think I could be couragous enough to leave and change then surely I could just do the change bit. Then we'll see if things get better.
I was rereading a book called 'Mending the past and healing the future with soul retrieval' by Alberto Villoldo and something struck me. He was talking about how when he was expecting his first child he was worried about how his life would change and figured that if it was too hard he could just leave and go back to his wanderings then one day he realised that he couldn't follow his path A (At home with partner and child) wholeheartedly if he always had path B in his mind as an escape, so he got rid of the escape route from his mind and found that path A became much easier. How often do we do this? We try and change our selves for the better but hold onto the old path, just in case?
Buy this book in the UK:
'Mending the past and healing the future with soul retrieval' by Alberto Villoldo
Buy this book in the US:
Mending The Past And Healing The Future with Soul Retrieval

A Road Less Travelled

I've finally got round to reading a book called 'The Road Less Travelled, A new psychology of love, traditional values and spiritual growth' Its a very good book about psychoanalysis and love near the end he talks about how most people don't make it to the end of their self discovery due to a fear of the power it gives and also the responsibility. It is easier to have people and things to blame than to take full responsibility for oneself. I can relate to that. When I change my diet and way of thinking radically I feel so much better, capable of doing anything but it takes me away from the people around me so I become fearfull and full back into old habits. Will I ever have the courage to follow my road?
Buy this book in the UK :
The Road Less Travelled
Buy this book in the US :
The Road Less Traveled