5 weeks, ALREADY?!

Wow, I can't believe Arwen is already 5 weeks old, time has really flown. I am typing this with her asleep in the baby carrier. She spends most of her time in someones arms and sleeps in with us at night. Some people have said ''oh, you don't want to get them used to being carried around and picked up when they cry'' my answer to that is that I would rather my newborn learnt that when she needs me that I am there as opposed to learning that she'll be ignored. People also ask if she is good. Is a newborn really good or bad? They have needs thats all and its up to us their parents to make sure they are met.

Mum stayed for just over a week, the kids loved it. I find it hard as she wants to talk all the time and I don't. I'm a solitary person and to be in anothers company all the time is hard. Okay so I have 4 kids but thats not the same and I still need my space.

For Halloween I invited some friends for dinner so the kids could dress up. For a couple of years halloween seemed to get more popular in France but this year nothing, no decorations or costumes in the shops, nothing. We decorated the house and painted the kids faces so they had fun.

I swam for the first time since before Arwen was born on Sunday. I managed a kilometre which is what I was doing before but it is easier to swim at the end of pregnancy than getting back into it a few weeks later! I have been for a couple of runs with Eben and can just about manage a run with a nearly 5 year old! I really want to get running again. Next October I plan to run a marathon, not give birth!

I am still drinking my nettles (occasionally) and have drunk carrot juice again this morning. I have even started some clover and mustard seed sprouts which is the first time since January. Yeh to getting back to raw!!!!!

Placenta Smoothies

When I first read about these my thought was YUCK. But when Arwen was born I was showing Flo the placenta and decided to try a small piece. It should stop post partum hemorrhage and it was suprising fine to eat, not meat like or chewy just warm really. The rest went in the fridge with the intention of burying it in the garden but the more I thought about it the more I thought it would be more sensible to consume it for all the vitamins, minerals and hormones it contains. Some people cook it but I couldn't do that, others dehydrate it and make capsules with it but smoothies seemed the easiest way to go and the rawest. I cut the placenta into inch cubes and froze most of it. It was odd cutting up a part of me but then I thought about cutting up dead meat and I can do that and this wasn't even something that had been killed it had just finished its job.
I have nearly finished all the pieces. I just blend one with water and half a banana or a pear and it just tastes of the fruit that is in it. I guess that is what has been helping me to continue to feel so well. Arwen is a lovely baby, she suckles and sleeps and loves to be in my arms much of the time. School holidays start on Friday so we will all be together everyday and my Mum is coming too so that should be quite an experience!

Raw Stinging Nettle Curry

Yesterday I spent quite alot of time uncooking, I wasn't feeling in a good mood in the morning and found the food preparation very relaxing. These are the things I made.

1. Sprouted wheat and tomato flat bread / pizza base.

2. Sprouted wheat, onion and poppy seed flat bread.

3. Aubergine marinated in garlic, lemon juice and olive oil.

4. Courgetti with red pepper, basil and nettle pesto and chopped tomatoes.

5. Sprouted wheat pulao 'rice' with raisins and cashews.

6. Courgette cardamon curry.

7. Aubergine, coconut curry.

8. Stinging nettle and coriander curry.

9. Semi dried tomatoes

10. Courgette rings marinated in garlic and chilli and semi dried.

We had the courgettti for lunch, the older kids ate theirs with some protest, Gwilym kept asking for more and yum yumed his way through. We then had some cooked pea soup and garlic mushrooms.

Yesterday evening was a disaster, Flo, Eben and Griff had been swimming and got back late and were tired. Neither kids ate their curries and Griff just ate his with no comment then stuffed on paté, bread and cheese. Gwilym loved the 'rice'. I thought it was all delicious, even the nettle curry which was a fun experiment and one I will do again.

Today I intend to turn the tomato pizza base into a pizza with the semi dried toms and courgettes together with other bits and pieces. I will also purée the marinated aubergine to have with the onion bread. I will serve all that with the white sausages that Griff and the kids bought yesterday. That shows a great improvement in my mood as last night I was going to have all the yummy raw food and they were just getting sausage and potatoes!

Chocolate Cherry Cake (Raw of course)

On Sunday I decided to unbake a cake. I found a recipe on a friends blog http://www.nakedfoodcafe.blogspot.com and adapted it to suit my ingredients. This is what it came out like.

The base and top for the cake were made from 3 cups dates and 3 cups of brazil nuts and a tablespoon of cocoa powder. I processed them in a food processer with half a cup of water then shaped into two rounds on a greaseproof tray which I put in the freezer for about an hour, till firm.

The filling and topping were 3 cups cherries, 3 tbsps cocoa, 1 cup ground cashews, 2 tbsps honey all whizzed up together. I also put fresh cherries in the middle and on top.

It was so delicious and rich. I'll definatly be doing more unbaking. Thanks for getting me started Connie.

Bouncing Belly and Vine Leaf Crisps

I am now 5 months pregnant and when I lie down my belly bounces up and down as the baby kicks, I thought I didn't 'see' the movements till later on in the past, but its fun and gives the other kids chance to see their baby brother or sister. I chose not to have an ultra sound at 23 weeks as I can tell that things are growing okay and feel great. One big reason for this scan is to check for abnormalities so an abortion can be performed is desired. I knew I didn't want that so didn't see the point. The other big reason is to find out the gender, everyone is asking me if I know. I did with the other three but this time would like a suprise.

I had a week of eating lots of cooked food and the acid reflux and aching legs came back. After 4 days back on raw things are better again, I have more energy and feel happier. I am really enjoying this pregnancy and feel relaxed and serene about it.

Last night I tried a recipe for green crisps, I used vine leaves dipped in a paste of ground cashew nuts, salt, olive oil, garlic and chilli, then put them in the dehydrator for a few hours to 'crisp' up. Scrumptious!

One Month Raw!

Its been 4 weeks since I started my raw challenge. I've done really well and eaten more fruit than I normally would have done in a year. I still slip up and give in to the toast and butter craving but most of what I'm eating is alive and well. On Friday my failure proved the sucess of this way of eating. I ate cooked all day Friday and had to go to bed early and had terrible trouble waking in the morning, something that was happening frequently pre raw but hasn't happened this month. What else has changed? Since getting back on the carrot and apple juice I have felt much more alert and happy. I guess its the sheer quantity of good nourishment that you can get from juice.
I have used a site called nutridiary to work out how many calories I have been eating and to see if I am eating a balanced diet. A couple of things have suprised me. One is the amount of protein in vegetables, most food composition tables don't even bother with the protein from veg but even a simple courgette has 14% protein, so if you mix fruit and veg its easy to get enough protein. The biggest suprise was related to calcium and iron, even vegan nutrition books don't tell you that there are stacks of both in green leafy veg. Parsley is especially high. About 500g of parsley will provide all the iron and all the calcium most people need in a day. Ok so that is a lot of parsley, but if you juice it its not much to consume and think how much one cow has to eat to provide the meat for the iron and another has to eat to provide the milk for the calcium! I can't believe how much we have been brainwashed, even well known nutritionalists say that a pregnant woman can't fulfil her calcium needs without supplements, cods wallop I say, its just a case of getting used to consuming different foods and believing in what is growing, often beneath our feet.
I plan to continue to eat and drink this way I really feel like its the right thing to do, slip ups will come but won't last for long as this is so much better. I still have urges to drink wine and beer but one glass and my legs feel like they will collapse so that not much fun.
I am now 23 weeks pregnant and feeling great. The acid reflux that had started has stopped and my legs have hardly been achey. I swam 1200metres yesterday so am still able to do some exercise. I tried running a little in the wood the other day but it hurt my belly so had to stop. I'll be able to run at the end of the year so its not much to drop it now. I'll be running round non-stop when I've got 4 little monsters to chase!

Fruit and unassisted childbirth

Its really strange how tastes change. I've always hated fruit but find myself wanting to eat it at the momment. Whereas before I liked salads and bean sprouts now I want fruit (as well as meat and veg!) The silly thing is that I've been so wrapped up in the raw food idea that most of our bramley apples have rotted, if only I'd cooked them a little and eaten with cream or ice cream. This evening we had a bowl of pineapple, kiwi and icecream for tea.

I want to try again to give up tea so have been looking into an alkaline diet to help me clear out the tea residues as quick as possible. I'm also drinking less tap water as ours has fairly high levels of lead, arsenic and fluoride which can't be good for me or the baby.

I had my 12 week scan and have seen a midwife. I am not going back for a while. I just feel like this is my pregnancy my last one and I just want to do it my way. I'll ask for help if I feel I need it. Eben was born at home with Griff as the midwife and I hope to do the same again. I've been rereading info on unassisted birth at www.bornfree.com and also listening to my centerpointe cd ( click here for centerpointe info ) that I bought when expecting Eben. It really helped me go inside myself and do what I really wanted to do not what was expected of me. I didn't listen when Gwils was on the way and did what people expected and went to the hospital. It was still a good birth but not as good as at home, snuggled by the fire with a newborn and chocolate biscuits!

Raw crumpets and hotcross buns!

No not raw at all. My change to raw has failed miserably. We went to England for two weeks and the only thing that helped the nausea was carbohydrates and I stuffed and stuffed. All my beansprouts died and I haved grown anymore yet. I'm hoping that as the sun comes out and I start to feel less sick I'll be able to move more towards raw food, not 100% but a large amount. I need some omphh. After 3 weeks without running I've started again. Slow and only 30 minutes but thats fine. I plan to drop it to 20 mins when necessary but try to keep it up 3 times a week, ever hopefull!

I had my first scan on Monday and baby has head, body, limbs and heartbeat. Its always so moving the first time you hear a heart beating in something to small. Flo is delighted and hoping for a sister this time. Eben isn't so keen on the idea of two babies around the place.

I've managed to get my drinking under control at last, one small beer or glass of wine occasionally at home and a couple of glasses if we go out. Luckily anymore than that makes me feel foul. A good reason for morning sickness at last. I need to stop the tea though as that makes me feel bad too but I seemed to be totaly addicted to it. I have been drinking less, I'll have to get back to juicing carrots!

Running and Archangel Michael

I went for a fantastic run yesterday. My friend and I ran for 40 minutes, the first 10 were awfull and we were both hoping the other would suggest turning back. She hadn't ran for 4 weeks as she has a hernia and it was my first run since realising I am pregnant. It was hard work but we both felt wonderfull afterwards.
I the evening I had a glass of white wine which was nice and my immediate thought was that I didn't want another and that even though I had drunk in my other pregnancies and my kids are okay this one might be different and I would feel really bad if I had an alcohol damaged child. So what did I do, I had a second glass of wine then a third. I would have liked more but had to stop myself. What a pilloc!!
I again prayed for help stopping, help with cutting the attachment I have to alcohol. I asked Archangel Michael to help me. Why can't I stop, why can't I cope with feeling well and energetic? So many questions and so few answers.
I have been drinking sunflower seed milk and crapple juice in a bid to get more raw foods inside me. I had a great salad at lunchtime of lentil, brocolli and clover sprouts with avocado, sunflower seeds and home grown lambs lettuce. It was very tasty and very filling. Last night I had a cooked dinner. So far today I've had nutmilk, tea and toast. Gwilym was up at 6am so I'm feeling cream crackered again.

Self Worth

This afternoon I feel so tired and grumpy, I've failed with my diet and feel like I've failed myself. No one else has any time for me its just want want want. I desperatly want to sleep and even though he can see that Griff then comes out with maybe we could do some gardening. Why can't he just do it if he wants to but no that means I'm being lazy. Lazy old Suzanne who always needs someone telling her what to do. Why can't I just sort myself out? I'm not alone in often thinking that someone else should help me even though I know that is not true. The anwer and the solution to all our problems is inside of us. The problem is beliveing enough in our value to find it. As children we have to ask for everything, we need to but soon adults start telling us no you can't have that, don't be so selfish, at the same time our parents are still doing things for us and efforts to do things ourselves are stopped as we won't do it well enough, quick enough etc, we might do it wrong. Then we learn about doing things for others, its good to do things for others but we mustn't feel pleased with ourselves that would be egotistical. We have to look after others as it's the done thing. This doesn't work though does it as we learn that people can't cope without others to do things for them and we start to wonder why no one wants to do things for us. At the same time we don't let our partners do things as they won't do them as well as us, we start parenting our parents and if our parents are like us they are looking for someone to save them too even though they 'know' life is about doing things for others.

When we see people who do things for themselves and who do well we say aren't they selfish.

Surely there should be a way of doing things for others but at the same time being responsible for ourselves. If everyone was in the main responsible for their happiness then it would be okay as others would need less of us. It doesn't mean we wouldn't have friends and be able to be nice and give gifts etc but it might mean that less of us would feel worthless and that we should always be fullfilling other peoples needs rather than our own.

Feeling Shattered

My salad was tasty yesterday but seemed to be missing something, bread or pasta I think! I was glad for the mushrooms as they gave a soft texture, red cabbage can be a bit too crispy on its own. In the afternoon I made some regular bread as we had friends coming for an aperitif and we wanted to serve our home made paté with it. I know it doesn't go with a raw food live diet but we buy an organic pig each year from our neighbour. He grows grain and lentils too so perhaps I'd be better of just buying that. I have 4 chunks of bacon hanging drying in my bedroom and one ham in the kitchen, the two from this year should be here soon. At least it means that when I give in to cravings its for quality meat. I drank wine last night, I'm not sure how much but not an enormous amount, the nausea hits me too quickly and I was busy eating loads and talking. We had a big bowl of mixed raw nuts and dried fruit too which was tasty.
I seem to have back ache already which is ridiculous and irritable bowels too. I've started taking flax seed for the omega 3 fats and to help clear out my insides. The magnesium and calcium supplement should help that too as well as with the feeling of constriction in my chest and throat that I seem to be having every so often. I also feel shattered its an odd sort of tiredness, I don't really want to sleep as I don't feel it will go away. I didn't have it during pregnancy number one but with the other two I did. I remember saying good night to Flo at 8 oclock and her saying 'its not bed time yet' and I went to bed and she stayed up. Now they all go to bed at 7.30 so I have time to rest after they have gone to bed.

For lunch we had spinach and lettuce salad with some lamb ribs that we bought the other day. I poured myself a glass of wine but managed to stop after one mouthfull. This evening we had salad with raw humous and I did potatoes for the kids and of course gave in and had some too.
Did I mention the massive Yorkshire pudding I did to go with the lamb? No, well I guess I should have. When I saw the fat that had come out I thought it was a shame that I hadn't done potatoes to roast in it so I knocked up and enormous Yorkshire to go with it. It was delicious but not really very raw and energy giving!

Pregnant Again!

I spoke to my sister in law the day after Ebens birthday and she asked why I wasn't pregnant yet. I'd always said I wanted no kids or 4. I'd been thinking next year would be a good time to have number 4 that way it would be done before I was forty and there would be decent gaps between them. I got off of the phone and checked to see when my period was due and then realised why I had been feeling sicky all week, not because I was drinking too much but because I'm pregnant, oh boy oh my! How the hell am I going to cope? I feel shattered, I'm excited and I'm scared too. I'm going to need serious amounts of energy here. I don't want to stop running yet but how am I going to run, continue breastfeeding Gwilym and grow a new person too? The only way I can see getting that sort of energy in through a raw, live diet and of course the booze has to go. I found stopping completely impossible in my last pregnancies but this time I'm going to have to try. I know I'll find support on various forums but I need to commit to myself and family first. I have made a big salad for lunch of mushrooms, red cabbage, shallots, spinach, pumpkin seeds and raisins. I'm not sure about the raisins now I've tasted it but I can't take them out now and the kids should like them. I've also made some rejuvelac and have lots of sprouts going. I'm going to try lots of nut milk smoothies too. I just feel I have to get in as much good grub as possible then the cravings for wine and junk food should go away, shouldn't they?

Not just Tits, Shashi Chips

Gwils is really eating well now, not just breast milk at last. This evening we have had a veggie curry with Shashi chips, Shashi being the person that taught Griff to cook little cubes of potato in oil, garlic, mustard seed, cumin seed and paprika, yummy. The boys ate loads. They are as fun as ever. Eben didn't want an afternoon sleep as he doesn't want to get big and strong any more.
I'm enjoying writing again and have at last started my website, I've got the template up and running, I just need some content. There is plenty in my mind just not much coming out through my fingers.
Still drinking, still wondering why.
Getting back into sprouting which is great as I love my sprout salads. The running is going well too. Just need to sort out the baby so he sleeps at night so I can. He is walking since the new year which should tire him out!
So welcome back and happy new year.

Odd Socks

As I hung the washing out I thought that just for once I was going to have washed all pairs of socks but there in the bottom of the basket was one solitary one, the pair of one that got put in the odd sock box yesterday. Where do the other socks go?
Its apple picking day today. Our Bramelys look fab, they go a lovely bright red here, I also need to dig up the last of the potatoes. The juicer has been working hard this morning with a mix of carrot, apple and beetroot juice. We are supposed to be doing a raw challenge week but had left overs from yesterdays rib of beef which had to be eaten. We even ate all the fat as it was very expensive fat. We had friends round with their 3 children. Its amazing how the numbers grow now, you think lovely, Laurence and Stephan are coming for lunch then you realise you are cooking for 10!
Gwills has nearly got is first tooth and is suffering with it, he has a cold with it and a sore bum, we had to resort to calpol, which seemed to help immediatly and he is now asleep. Eben is knackered and trying very hard to avoid having an afternoon sleep, he has just got in trouble with his Dad which is a shame as he wanted to take him to cut Lucs lawn on the tractor mower.

Nuts

It's nut season. We have been gathering walnuts and chestnuts. In fact Griff and the kids collected most. I went for what was supposed to be a vigorous walk yesterday and the hunter gatherer in me just couldn't resist all those chestnuts all over the path.
I'm going to try eating a chestnut raw to see what its like, I think roasted will probably be the best option though.

Harry Potter Stove

We now have a stove just like the one in the Gryffydor dorm in our house. It looks great and is warming the house nicely. I just hope our wood delivery comes soon. The neighbours got theirs this morning. Good job its not sold by weight as it rained so much yesterday that it must be drenched.
Griff and the kids have gone chestnuting. The rain and wind should have knocked loads down. Flo had chestnuts for breakfast, yummy. We have a big creamy salad for lunch with cheese. I am trying to up our raw protein intake to help the neurotransmitters!
I've also still got loads of grapejuice so will whizz up some nettles in it later.
I ran this morning, I did a circuit that took 33 mins on Sat with Florence, it took me 38 mins today, and we thought we where running badly on Saturday! Florence didn't come over today as she was too tired and she has to work tomorrow. Maybe I'll get Griff to run with me and get Vero to look after Gwils for an hour.

Catch up and Raw Challenge update.

Time seems to have flown by. Griff got home on Friday, knackered as usual after working hard then driving the 8 hours home. At the end of my weeks raw challenge I felt fantastic. I had dropped down from 58kg to 55kg. The last time I weighed that was when I stopped breastfeeding Flo, six years ago. Since then it has been creeping on. I weighed 62kg at the begining of last year and was 72kg by the time Gwils was born, so to be down to 55 is great. Several people have commented about the weight loss and my clothes are baggy. I've been running twice since last Thursday. I did the same route on Sunday and it took me 45 minutes. Last night I did it in the other direction with Flo on her bike and Griff on his with Eben in the front seat and Gwils in the back pack. That took us 43 minutes. 12 or so years ago I did it in 31.5 minutes! A long way to go yet. I was wondering how I had ever done that but at the end I sped up and the speed is still there, my pulse went up to 177 wereas it had been about 152 most of the way round.
We met Suzan and Robert at the top of the hill and were invited in for a glass of rosé. For some silly reason (ie I still can't say no) I said yes and went in and rehydrated on wine. I can feel it this morning. I'd been drinking at the weekend too. Not very much but once started I start drinking everyday again. I managed 6 days again. I need to start the hypnosis again. I have another called staying stopped so need to listen more often. Its daft because I felt so much better, as if I was rejuvenating. But as I said to Griff I think what I find hard is feeling better, I'm not used to feeling well and having drive and energy so I scupper my efforts each time to get back to normality, which is tired all the time and dragging myself through the day on tea and wine and then the consequences on mind and body of both of those. I just have to keep doing this untill feeling well becomes normal.

Raw and Running

Nearly 5 days into my raw food challenge and only one slip up. I actually felt quite sparky this morning which is quite amazing for me. I'm normally dragging myself from one end of the day to the other.
I ran with my friend Florence yesterday. Its great having a weekly rendez-vous as it gets us both out even when we don't feel like it. Despite the fact that neither of us had run for a week we both felt we were running better. We ran for 42 minutes round a block that last time I ran it alone in June took 46 mins. Admitidly 10 years ago I used to take un 35 and managed a record of 31 and a 1/2 once. We were both very pleased with it. After that though I felt hungry all day and didn't seem to have anything I fancied. I'd run out of carrots to juice and just caved in at dinner time and had carbonara pasta with the kids. Never mind. I'm back on track today and feeling good about it. I may have lost a couple of kilos but our scales are a bit dodgy and by tomorrow I may well have put them back on! I had a glass of wine with Robert at lunchtime and really didn't feel very good after it. I then kept thinking I should have tea to make myself feel better or that I should have more wine in the evening to do the same thing. How daft is that? Take the thing thats making you feel sh*t and have some more. Sounds daft doesn't it, but how many of us do this with alcohol, cigarettes, some foods and other drugs?

Raw Food Previous posts

Before starting this blog I was blogging about my raw food interest on
www.rawroad.blogspot.com

I'm not adding any new posts there but you can read the old ones.

Food Diary Sept 10th -

Monday Sept 10th
Plums, Half an avocado, Rejuvelac, Banana, Salad (lentil sprouts, avocado, onion and olive oil) Peach juice, Plum juice, Salad (lentil sprouts, courgette, tomato, garlic, soy sauce and olive oil) water, sunflower seeds.

Tuesday Sept 11th
Carrot juice, rejuvelac, plums, banana, salad (lentil sprouts, avocado, onion, tomato, courgette, sesame oil, olive oil, five spice, balasamic vinegar), water, carrot and beet juice.

Wednesday Sept 12th
Carrot juice, banana, Sprouted wheat bread, goats cheese, Salad (spinach, avocado, beetroot, carrot, sunflower seeds) Juice (pear, spinach, carrot and beet tops (may sound awfull and looked it but very nice))

Thursday Sept 13th
Banana, Sprouted wheat bread, Salad (left from yesterday), avocado, (Pasta (not raw), water, orange juice. One glass white wine.

Friday Sept 14th
Apples, Salad (broccoli, cucumber, courgette, garlic, olive oil, black pepper and a little cream), water,